wow. :)

just when i thought i'd seen it all

tori got me back on track. :P. i was failing! my happy thing was failing, and i'm not much of a quitter with stuff that actually MEANS something, and i'm determined to make this happy thing mean something. it will. so i'm not going to give it up just 6 hours after starting it. i will continue the struggle. i will conquer! *whoot!*

this is when we need william wallace with some inspiring speech on top of a horse. painted with blue facepaint, too. gotta be in character. and yes, preferably william wallace PRIOR to his quartering. and stretching. i forgot the historically correct term for the stretching. whoops.

still haven't made those cards. happy me really should get on that. :D

cuz i can...i can do it better :D

upon reading tori's blog (oops. secret's out, tor;) , i have come to a:

major life decision.

ready?

well, get ready. haha :P

okay, here goes:

i'm going to be....

happy!!!

yep. happy. that's right. all 5 letters. and yes, i just went back and counted the letters in happy to make sure there were 5. i was correct. thank goodness. it would have posed a problem in my happy-ness struggle. but it's not a struggle. it's a welcome challenge. why? because happy people don't have struggles. they welcome challenges, which makes them welcome challenges. yes, watch the adjective change to a verb with considerable confusion. ooh! repetition. mr. bray would be proud.

and you know what else?? my plan is already panning out! why? because tikla got into BYU Hawaii!!!!!!!!

wow!!

but yes. i'm going to be happy. tori and tikla were my inspiration for this new life goal, so i am going to go get my big box of useless paper and paste thingys and make them a couple of kick-butt cards.

Take Me Away--Lifehouse (and, once in a blue moon, MoonJar)
This time
What I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time
You burned me with the way
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

I try
To make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
[Bridge:]
Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone

This time
What I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away...

even though the non-acoustic version of this song is really...well...NON-acoustic, and definitely outside the boundaries of my normal taste, i really love it. mainly because the lyrics are just so powerful. they're not terribly poetic or deeply stirring, they're just so painfully honest. it really makes me think hard. which is kinda stupid. most people are stirred into deep-thought-action by a well-written new york times editorial, but i'm inspired by acoustic lifehouse songs. but i suppose the time i spend thinking about stupid that is could be better spent accepting it and using it to make the most out of life.
but back to the point. the lyrics just say all there is to say about love. deep, undying love. the kind that lasts for longer than you ever thought it would. the kind that the notebook was built around, the kind that daisy and gatsby had. the kind that ilsa and rick had. it's just having that someone who you can't evict from your mind, even if you wanted to. it's having that person that, even when you compare them with every single thing you've seen during your time on this earth, they're still the best you've found, and the best you'll ever find, even if you spent the rest of your life denying it and searching for something better. it's having that person who will accept who you are, no matter who that is. it may not be someone they ever saw themselves loving, but instead someone who they know that they'll grow to love.

ugh. i hate being serious. not that i'm being serious now. this is my not-serious seriousness. but this evening i was serious, and it was annoying. it's always brought on by a major and tragic wardrobe malfunction, which is what i had this evening before mutual. tragic. absolutely tragic. so i'm standing there, with this group of wonderful friends, practically glaring because i'm dying to discuss like...i dunno...world hunger or something, rather than which color looks best on who. but you know what? that's dumb. why? because who cares about world hunger? i can't stop it. i can cut calories all i want, that's not going to feed someone in uganda. or ethiopia, if you've gotta be politically correct. ask anita if she's ever tried ethiopian food. i'm supposed to care about which cut of jeans looks best on the assorted butt types, which water game is best played with 35 screaming teenage girls and 3 kayaks. but sometimes, i just can't force myself to do it. sometimes i can't just suck it up and listen to someone tell me to be proud of being chamorro. i just wanted to laugh. sandwiched between a filipina and a canadian (who i was trying very hard not to be snippy with as she tried to show me exactly which page the articles of faith could be found on, after which i assured her that i was more than knowledgable of exactly where they were--i just didn't know them), i wanted to laugh at the irony. i mean, talk about a strange audience for that talk. but it made me think hard. what do i have to be proud of? growing up here, i'm alienated from my real "culture", though i couldn't pinpoint that for you even if i wanted to. saipan is my culture. but my skin isn't brown. so obviously there's something wrong with me. obviously i'm not worthy of regarding the islands as my home too, just because i'm pigmentally challenged.

i promise, i'm done. heehee. never give a teenage girl with PMS a keyboard. she'll use it to everyone else's detriment. not to mention her own.

i actually only felt the need to write this post in order to get patrick dempsey's rather awkward face shot off the opening page of my blog. hopefully this does the trick. :D

go to this site:

http://www.beanbagcentral.com/ccosas/promise.html

and read all 4 comics. you won't regret it.

well, if you have disturbingly high levels of testosterone, you might, but the rest of the free world will probably enjoy it.

:)

taylor's answer to my dad's bad taste: "how rude."

i love this song. i found it when i left my "white flag" CD running, even after the last song had ended. i noticed that, somewhat curiously, it hadn't restarted or just died. it just kept going, going, going until another song started, hidden after the last track on the CD. it's officially my favorite song on the album, because i love how it describes my relationship with the people that i love the most. when you're around, my whole soul is different. it's better. and it's obvious. :D



Closer
So leave your taxi waiting
And turn and close my door
And sit back down where you were sitting
A little closer than before

And when you look that serious
It just makes me want you more
And I've been meaning to tell you

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel

And yes I know you're nervous
Never seen you so unsure
You haven't touched your food tonight
And you're drinking more and more

And there's no need to hurry
Take your time I'll still be here
And I've been meaning to tell you

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
the better I feel
The closer you get, the better you see
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel
The better I feel

We've been circling for time baby
We're coming down to land tonight
The wait is over and now it's easy
Everything's fine

The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around, the better I feel
The closer you get, the better you see
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel

if i ever get married, this is how i will feel. and that's comforting sometimes, particularly when i'm pining after a slightly preoccupied adam brody. :P

survival of the momentary vegetarians

i felt the need to update, just in case there were any concerns for my health after the previous post.

i survived dinner. the piece of the meat monstrosity that i ate was about this size:

the potatoes were actually really good. and apparently full of minerals and stuff. i dunno. maybe my mom was just saying that to keep me from fasting. heehee. mothers can be very manipulative, you know.

meat monstrosities and unskinned potatoes

okay, i'm really trying here. trying to do what, you might ask? trying NOT to be a brat. but seriously! okay. here's the situation. we're having the most disgusting thing for dinner. it's pretty bad. it's wayyyyy up at the top of my "gross things" list. it might even be at the top. it's nasty. are you ready?

chicken fried steak.

even the TITLE sounds gross!!!!!! seriously. and now i have to eat it. if you know me (taylor's cue), you should know that this is NOT my kind of meal. first, it's FRIED. second, it's two flipping meats combined into one. is that not the nastiest thing you've ever heard?! and third, it's FRIED. seriously. i think that merits being on the list twice. TOTALLY nasty.

but my mom is making it, and i love her, so i'm gonna go in to the kitchen now and ask her if there's anything i can do to help. she even offered to leave the skins on the potatoes to make it a healthier meal after i was stunned into nasty silence after being informed of what we are having tonight. okay, good try, mom, but not really helping. but i still love her, so i will eat that meal and i will eat it with zeal, even if it clogs my arteries until my 83rd birthday.

yech.

the gym better be open tomorrow. maybe if i go within 12 hours of eating the aforementioned scary thing, it won't have settled into my body. :D

a girl's always gotta have a backup plan, right?

kids+caffeine+small animals = the ultimate threat

katy reminded me that i needed to blog about something incredibly important.

i got a B.

a B+, to be depressingly exact.


in chemistry.

see that approaching dark-type stuff? that's my world caving in.

the backseat perfectionist rears her ugly head. :D

but you already knew it was ugly...you were just too nice to say it. :P

another sun-soaked season fades away

i had a fascinating television experience this evening. somehow TLC's "the man whose arms exploded" became intertwined with what should've been dubbed "american idol's absolute worst" and "the most boring episode of CSI...like...ever". needless to say, i have abandoned the boob tube, a decision that will doubtlessly benefit my psyche in the very near future.

and remember, everyone, lest your dyslexia impair your normally cloudy thinking, it's 2 compressions per every 30 breaths. and remember to avoid perform CPR on a beating heart. apparently it's bad...or like...something. who knows.

however, when i was petrifying my brain cells by watching "the man whose arms exploded", one of the steroid-hooked bodybuilders posed an interesting idea: what do you dream about when you close your eyes? what's that ultimate goal that only you can see? for him, it was, of course, pursuing the coveted title of best-bodybuilder-in-the-whole-wide-world and someday a career in politics, but what is that dream like for normal people?

i don't really know what mine is. i couldn't pinpoint it exactly, even if i tried. it probably ultimately involves growing up and making my own way, but, having never done that before, there's not a lot of physical evidence to base a closed-eyed daydream around. it'd be great if there were, though, so that sense of suffocating uncertainty would just shoo away once and for all :P. but i guess the beauty of life is that we honestly never know what will happen the next minute. our little brother's tooth could get knocked out by his little friend's flipping hard head. we could win the lottery. we could fall in love.

admittedly, the first possibility was a little more realistic than the last one, but what's the fun of blogging if there's no nonsense, right? :D

if you need to fall apart

blogger is my salvation. at the moment, it's only salvation from the fast-approaching european history test that i should be studying for at the moment, but it is salvation nonetheless. because honestly. c'mon. at the moment, the role that taylor's imeem playlist is playing in my life is much more integral than that of intimate knowledge of the Oath of the Tennis Court and its impact on french politics and society. fascinating.

the smell of the cookies my dad made is emanating from the kitchen to a dangerous extent. sugar cookies will be my downfall one of these days. or rather just today. :P

so i called henry a curmudgeon today. i've got to admit, it was probably the best polysyllabic insult i'd used in awhile, but even i was not aware of the way that it would fully encompass the not-so-subtle message i was attempting to put out there. hallelujah for vocabulary.

yuck. my speakers just started blasting natasha beddingfield. taylor, you've got some explaining to do.

so i was browsing google under the term "friendship" and found this bit of wisdom from the immortal wisdom of Savage Garden:

"Let me be the one you call If you jump, I will break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone"

it really got me thinking. which, admittedly, was pretty difficult. but i persisted. so here were the thoughts:
isn't that all we're ever really looking for? just someone to break our fall? someone who won't look at us like we're completely insane when we say exactly what's on our mind? someone who understands when we're acting and when we're not? someone who doesn't take us so seriously that a joke is like the falling of the sky, but who will still respects us enough to listen when we really need to say something?
but that is it, isn't it? that's all we want. it doesn't seem like that much just looking at it right now, but some people, maybe even people we know, maybe even us, will spend years upon years just looking for someone who will break our fall and never leave us alone when the loneliness threatens to implode our microcosm.

so i've discovered that i really am as dense as i often joke about being. why? because i'm still sitting here trying to figure out why henry commented my last post with "stop! my stomach hurts!". i don't see the connection. i'm this close to tipping my head to the side and looking perplexed like my dog and heejin do when something strange happens.
but speaking of henry, he had this awesome survey on his myspace that i did and had fun doing, so i decided to spread the joy and put it here.
i love the abruptness of the phrasing of the first question...:P

01] Who are you, what's our relationship:

02] How and where did we meet:

03] What's my middle name:

04] How long have you known me:

05] Tell me one good thing about myself:

06] When you first saw me what was your impression:

07] My age:

08] My birthday:

09] My favorite types of music:

10] Color eyes:

11] Do i have any siblings:


12] What's one of my favorite things to do:

13] Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:

14] Describe me in 3 words:

15] Name 5 things I love:

16] How would you describe me to someone:

17] Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:

18] What do you like most about me:

19] If we could spend a day together what would we do:

20] Have we ever gotten in a fight:

21] Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:

22] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

23] What do you think my weakness is?

24] Do you think I'll get married?

25] What makes me happy?

26] What makes me sad?

27] What reminds you of me?

28] If you could give me anything what would it be?

29] When's the last time you saw me?

30] Do you think our ...friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?

31] Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

32] Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

33] If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?

34] What song (if any) reminds you of me?

35] If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?

36] Do we 'hang'?

37] Do I cross your mind at least once a day?

hot mommas...and other anomalies

so i achieved success. christina said that henry said that my "hot mommas" story was sufficiently funny. i had to make this strange effort to consciously be funny. it was hard. but i did it. why? because henry is sick and some weird old guy said once that laughter in the best medicine. sounds like something mr. lee would say. except he would write it on the board and make sure to put a period at the end, since one can't be caught without proper punctuation. but he'd make sure to underline it multiple times or circle it or something for emphasis while he was lecturing about it. and he'd make sure to ask henry's opinion on the topic, since henry has seniority. and it would somehow be linked to dating, or how mr. lee met mrs. lee, or how mr. lee has only one friend. since, after approximately 8 months of sitting in a habitually cold room, and at a tiny desk in a big chair for three of those months, i have learned that every single thing in this universe is somehow, whether it is in a positive or adverse way, related to how mr. lee met his wife. i used to think that everything could be better explained by raising one's volume level and injecting swear words (i.e. Mr. Tessen), but alas, in my junior year i have learned better. when i was even more naive, i thought that one's jokes really DID get funnier if one laughed emphatically at them oneself, but alas, Mr. Bray's theory of humor has proven a little bit hastily conceived. but i still find myself converted to Ms. Mili's school of thought: regardless of what anyone has done to you, paying no mind to your relationship to that person, ignoring their gender, that person can always be referred to as henry's sister's favorite word. because that is the word of the week. and its constant use will only do positive things for the betterment of mankind. why? because ms. mili is the possessor of all wisdom in this world. mr. lee thinks he is, and for concern for his personal well-being, we allow him to think that, we encourage him even. but the truth? it's ms. mili.
doubt not. fear not. there's a dunkin' doughnuts guy out there for everyone.

there's this song that i love, right?
"paint the silence" by spoon. it's on my imeen...to your left. .D
but the point is that it's got this great line and kinda sums up how i feel right now. you ready for this? it's pretty intense. prepare yourself.
"how can you say your life is empty
so late in the day?"
it doesn't make a lot of sense. there's always the possibility that i'm completely missing it and it's this deep, philosophical statement that just went way over my head. but hey. i enjoy being an airhead. it gets my friends to talk down to me. possibly the most flattering thing, well, ever!
i mean, is there a good time to decide your life is empty? would you rather hear it at 7am or 8:54pm? should we schedule an appointment for you to hear it? 2am is really when i'm most coherent, so we should probably meet then.
i'm going to peru in june. and i'm nervous. i don't know if you've met any, but freshmen are a little scary. they're especially scary when you've spent the last few years acting like you have had a stick somewhere unpleasant (cue henry...you may mock me now). anybody have any suggestions? i could always introduce them to arequipena and hope for the best...they'd probably be easier to handle with a little of that in their systems. .D

my migraine subsided. *whew*

anybody heard ms. mili's new favorite word? i'll give you a hint. it's also hannah chan's favorite. ,) ms. mili used it about 4 times today to describe melissa. haha. i would say it was accurate, but that would probably mean that by default, it would also be true for me.

adam brody+prom= heaven

Forever Young--Youth Group
let's dance in style
let's dance for a while
heaven can wait we're only watching the sky
hoping for the best but expecting the worst
are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
let us die young or let us live forever
don't have the power but we never say never
sitting in the sandpit
life is a short trip
music's for the sad man
can you imagine when this race is run
turn our golden faces into the sun
praising our leaders, getting in tune
the music's played by the mad men
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever?
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever?
some like water and some are like the heat,
some are melodies, some are the beat,
sooner or later they'll all be gone,
why don't they stay out
it's hard to get on without a cause,
i don't want to perish like a fading voice,
youth is like diamonds in the sun,
diamonds are forever
so many adventures couldn't happen today
so many songs we forgot to play
so many dreams swinging out of the blue
left to come true
forever young, i want to be forever young,
do you really want to live forever
forever, forever?

what's the connection between adam brody and the lyrics? the song was featured on the O.C., only the best show ever to grace the earth...

i have this song running through my head. it's really beautiful if you think about it. but a little sad, too. it reminds me that youth really is fleeting, but that it's made that way for a reason. we want to be big, but once somebody tells us that it comes with responsibilities, it's not quite so enticing anymore.

but that's not important right now. you know what IS important?? my bff has a date to our prom. why? cuz she rocks, my homies. that's why.

i feel like a ditz. why? because i promised my super cool friends that i would meet them at java joe's to "study" for the daunting history test that i have as of yet failed to begin cramming for. i guess being a nerd and studying for jeopardy might actually pay off. perhaps such action should be repeated more often....

but back to the topic. i feel like a ditz because i didn't show up at the aforementioned study group. why? because i was playing "deal or no deal" and the smiths, once again intruding on their family. i did win $10, though. i turned down like $160,000 for that $10. i shall spend it well. anybody know where to get a giant hershey's with almonds chocolate bar?? ,)

JT+cynicism= hallelujah for firefox spellcheck

you might as well disregard the post about hot glue. it was indeed philosophical, prophetic, beautiful, and deep, among other things, but has now proven to be complete and total garbage following one serious event:
the planting of the butt of han sol's boyfriend on top of the keep of our castle. the keep onto which i had meticulously installed a working drawbridge.
but you know what? that's okay. why, you ask?
because the demented-tiny-refrigerator mold attacked the rest of our castle and turned the graham cracker construction to bendy, soggy squares of mush.
our castle didn't love us enough, so it decomposed. story of my life.

'( depressed cyclops

have you ever invested a really big part of your life into something? have you ever anticipated it with so much fervor that you felt it you might actually explode if it ever really happened? i was like that about something for a long time, and all but too recently it happened. and you know what? it sucked. so keep your hopes low. guard your heart. and gird your loins, as the guy from devil wears prada would say. and get yourself some kick-butt bangs like taylor smith, because you never know when your anticipation might end up proving to be one big waste of time.

o( cynical cyclops (complete with deep, brooding glare that accompanies a glorified suckfest)

curious as to what a suckfest is? if you're henry chan, i'm pretty sure it's not what you're thinking it is right now, henry. go get a ladder and climb your mind out of the gutter.

.D

and put those two fingers down--before you no longer have them. (!!!)

beauty: caroline style

so i happened to google the word "beauty". i was pretty optimistic about the search, and kinda hoped that it would turn up pictures of sunsets, snowflakes, etc. all i got was a long page of anorexic models wearing way too much makeup.
so in the spirit of my inspiration that came as a result of taylor's extreme deepness, here's caroline's impression of what beauty really is:


puppies


love...at any age


my inspiration


my livelihood


when vitamins come in pretty packages


home.

it is the season of the proms. and a most dramatic season that is.
today was the first installment of the SIS prom drama. hopefully we will be blessed and lots more drama will unfold, all leading up to that fateful night that will be april 27. thank goodness. i have a feeling we would have suffocated in our own boringness if something interesting hadn't eventually had happened. i wouldn't have been surprised, either. things were getting a little dry at SIS. thanks, kates. you rocked the house for us! :D (permission to kill me has been granted...just as mel. apparently i'm not a butterfly...floating by myself up in the sky...)
what i really want to blog about is prom dates. can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. a sad compromise. which isn't really a compromise, if you think about it. it's more like a mandate. there's no choice involved. if you have no date, then you gloriously advise other people on what to do with their date. which isn't a very fulfilling avenue of action, but sometimes it's all you get.
and the ultimate genius of this post :
the cyclops smiley. you ready for this?
.) happy cyclops
.( sad cyclops
.S confused cyclops
.D cyclops just got a date to the prom

cyclops is a multi-faceted being. feel his pain. feel his joy. feel....him.

finding your hot glue

so melissa and i are making this elaborate castle out of graham crackers and it's really got me thinking philosophically. i don't think that that was the assignment's original intent, but somehow it's snowballed into this result. but back to the philosophical thinking: isn't our life just like a graham cracker castle? when you start out, you think "shoot. i really could've picked a different material here. graham crackers probably aren't the sturdiest way to do this." but then you start messing with it. you experiment. you end up with hot glue. and things start looking up. this begs the obvious question: what is YOUR hot glue? what is that thing in your life that you'll find someday, after cocking your head and staring at the problem for a little while? what is that wonderful thing that will turn your whole world upside down and paint everything over with this great, metallic goodness that makes everything okay?

don't forget to look for it. keep your eyes peeled--the time when you're least expecting it will be the time when your hot glue appears before your eyes. your hot glue could be anything: a person, a dog, a pen, a stapler, a song, a religion, a website. it could even be my blog. :D but one thing's for sure: when you find it, don't let it go. :)