haha they say that lab reports don't write themselves...but i'm tempted to test that theory. i wonder if using the scientific method in my investigation will get me extra credit.

i'm still trying to process the accident. it's proving to be pretty difficult. it took me awhile to get out of the cycle of "what if" and "i could have", but i think i'm safely past that stage. i have never been so scared. the way the car flew across the road and down the hill into the trees, the way it slid down, the way i couldn't stop it--it all just replays in my mind. i can still feel the impact, i can still hear the crash. now i understand what people mean when they say "i just didn't see it." it didn't really hit me how close we had come, dan bi and i, until i realized that i couldn't get out of the car. i just couldn't handle it. i always liked to think that i could take anything, that i was strong, maybe a little mean at times, but that changed so quickly once the realization of how bad the crash could have been finally came. the car, i could handle. me getting hurt, i could handle. the other driver, i probably would have had trouble with. but not dan bi. all i could think was "i could've killed her." i just kept saying it, over and over, and no matter how many people told me that i was wrong, i couldn't stop. what if she hadn't been wearing her seat belt? it was then that it hit me how much i love my friends. it was when i saw melissa's face, when i saw that she was crying, that i realized how much pain i could've caused. how the car must've looked as it skidded off the road. how it must've sounded to send mr. bramlett running and the rest of the high school out onto the balcony. how madison must've sounded when she called taylor. how melissa hadn't known if we were hurt when she went to get ms. mili. it took me until the ride home to realize that if henry had been at school yesterday, he might've been in the backseat, where the impact was.
but we're okay. we are. and it took me a couple of hours of being very, very scared to realize that. and to fully comprehend the blessing we have in our everyday lives. sometimes, it's simply passing a test. other times, it's coming out of a car crash completely unscathed. but they're still there, regardless of the form they happen appear in.

but to my friends: i love you. very much. and i hope you'll tolerate me...because i might need a ride from time to time in the near future :P