Sunday, June 3, 2007

the dangers of pink sugar

there's a mass of white, covered--no, doused-- in sugar, resting comfortably in my refrigerator at the moment. it possess tinges of pink, and is split in half by a sweet redness. along its edges grow modest clumps of flowers, in strange, sweet colors that don't normally occur on our planet. what is this strange being?

my birthday cake. it's HUGE. and only 1/3 eaten by the time i brought it home. it is now painfully clear to see what my diet is going to consist of for the next week. that is, until i depart and leave to my parents to solemn responsibility of ingesting approximately 10 pounds of incredibly sweet raspberry vanilla cake. i have a pretty high tolerance for sweetness (actually...that's a lie...i can barely sip a Pepsi it's so sweet) but this thing is SACCHARINE. the excessive sweetness is like...for lack of a better word..."WHOA."

so this afternoon, i'm just sitting at my mom's laptop that has been painstakingly plugged into the DSL (the laptop due to our computer's having crashed AGAIN...mom's convinced that it has thoroughly died this time...i disagree...i can still hear it grunting) and i see my dad (through the eyes in the back of my head...or perhaps due to the uncontrollable swiveling of our swively desk chair) walk into the living room with a large plank of wood. he then starts to take all the cushions off the little couch and installs this large, creepy plank of wood underneath the big butt cushion. completely appalled, i run into the living room:
me: what are you doing?!
dad: fixing the couch!
me: why?! it's working fine!
dad: no, it's not! it SAGS!
me: *blank stare* it's a couch, dad. it's supposed to sag.
dad: this one sags extraneously.
me: does not! *dramatically drapes herself over the couch, preventing further reassembly*
dad: move!
me: no! the couch doesn't sag! and now it's all hard! it's gonna hurt our butts!

he didn't believe me. he remained convinced that the couch was "firm" rather than in the butt-breakingly hard state that presently resides in.

my mom is watching television (happily perched atop the woodified couch) right now and i overheard someone on "dateline" or "frontline" or "nightline" or one of those linear shows and the anchor woman was proclaiming the latest advents in customer satisfaction, including "rent-a-husband", just in case a woman needs some extra help around the house. frighteningly enough. rent-a-husband. i'm terrified. i wonder if they have "rent-a-wife", just in case there are men out there with a deep longing for domesticity and willing to pay big bucks for it.

5 comments:

taylor elaine said...

your cake looked just like the one in the picture. and yes...it did have oddly colored flowers. i mean, they were light blue...NOT white. how weird is that. and thank you kento for clarifying that...everyone else was obviously in the dark. :P

how's the woodified and saggy couches? saggy and woody? is woody even a word? i don't think so...but it describes your couch perfectly! ;)

oh yes...i just finished watching a little house on the prairie...and my golddigger dreams have been ended. wille olsen left me, taylor smith, for rachel brown. :(

haha...and sorry about the MSN conversation ending randomly earlier. my internet freaked out and by the time i managed to get back online you had signed off.

Rachel Ashley - Dietetics Student said...

You're pretty sure that you'll miss Gretchen because of that, too? But..I thought her name-calling annoyed you? lol.

I need to get in touch with her.
Oh, wait, I'm going to Kansas with her!

Oh boy...

I wish you were going to Kansas with us... :(

Tori said...

hey! everyday I come and see if you have posted something new yet...we need your wisdom caroline!!

taylor elaine said...

i agree with tori: update please!

its summer...you only have a couple more days before you run off to a foreign country...stop holding out on us!

i'm gonna miss you...want me to start mourning you already? she always had entertaining posts...until one day she just STOPPED

haha...its too late for me to be up and trying to make sense. i mean, its so late no one is online. talk about late! :)

wad said...

lololol =P