mold.

my sandwich is moldy. :(

i still have to eat it, though, because doing the arm hang test for the presidential testing thingy is going to be exponentially harder if done on an empty stomach.

lol. :P:P

eastern promises

wow! i watched "eastern promises" for the first time and it was...intense. i really liked it, actually. somehow i came out of a story about the seriously violent intensity of the russian mafia and thought it was a love story. i guess it was, after all. it was just a little unconventional. you should totally watch it. if you haven't already. i'm sure henry has and has seen all of the stars walking into starbucks and stuff. you know. just normality.

but wow. viggo definitely deserved that oscar nom. most definitely.

*sigh*

For Blue Skies
(Strays Don't Sleep)

It's been a long year
Since we last spoke
How's your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'm under that night
I'm under those same stars
We're in a red car
You asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights
Could I have saved you?
Would that've betrayed you?
I wanna burn this film
You alone with those pills
What you couldn't do I will
I forgive you
I'll forgive you
I'll forgive you
I forgive you
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I'll forgive you

a lack thereof

i wish i could come up with something entertaining or useful to blog about.

my parents are practicing the art of "silent dinner" in the next room.

fascinating, huh?

:O

good song--"into dust" by mazzy star. check it out!

trapped

no, not actually referring to the forgotten charlize theron/kevin bacon kidnapping/hostage-taking fiasco of a movie that came out a few years ago. i'm referring to my current situation, since i am actively trapped inside my house. there's some strange whiney lady outside who is apparently a friend of my dad's and has been at the house for the past few hours. i really don't like talking to her and don't particularly want to have any contact with her at all, so i'm trapped in the house.

my mom is hilarious. she is also trapped. she has chosen to stay in the house with me rather than to go outside and smoke a cigarette. now THAT means something. my mother would rather fight her nicotine addiction than talk to this woman. this hereby proves the obnoxiousness of the aforementioned lady.

it's all transitory

as the hours pass, my level of lucidity varies. i have a very shy fever. it only comes out to play every few hours or so. it's fascinating, really. a tad annoying, since it's not particularly easy to structure your life around whether or not your fever is going to come out to enjoy itself in the next twenty minutes or if it's safe to remove yourself from your bed, leave the blanket behind, and brave the aircon of the living room.

is this making any sense? i'm wondering if this is one of those times where the lucidity is waning...:S

i received an email today addressed to "Dear Admitted Tulane Student." i'm definately digging that title. the creepy part was that since i submitted my application on december 1st, i haven't received a single word from them. not even an email saying "we received your application." totally nothing. weird, huh? so, obviously, when i got the email i was a little suspicious, since it wasn't even the official "congratulations, we've made the poor decision to allow you and your transitory lucidity to populate our campus" notice. it was "congratulations on your acceptance and oh, would you like to come to honors weekend?" i was very suspicious, so i looked up the lady who sent me the email on the tulane website, just to verify that she actually did work at tulane. she does. hmph.

i'd be a good conspriacy theorist. just as long as i didn't have to be right every once in a while.

angst.

i'm going crazy. not just partially insane. this is a full-on descent into complete pyschosis. i can't take this waiting, biding my time, sitting on my hands, wondering, torturing myself about whether i got my scholarship applications in at the right minute, trying to figure out whether or not "january 3" means before midnight at the end of january 2 or before 11:59pm on january 3. if i didn't get that application in, can i pay for college? if i didn't get the UT scholarship application in at the right minute, i certainly can't. i'll have no options. i'll be $160,000 in debt by the time i'm 22. does the pyschosis seem at all justified??

i have no idea what to do. this is just so frustrating. i'm sitting here going through the Tulane website trying to figure out whether or not i'm elligible for their other merit scholarships even though i chose not to apply for the Dean's Honor scholarship, which involved being incredibly creative and making a DVD presentation about a 2x2-inch BOX. i gave up. completely. apparently, though, you are automatically considered for their other merit scholarships just by turning in an application for admission. after frantically going through my hotmail inbox and finding the email from the CommonApp that completely confirmed by submission of the application. see?? i'm going nuts! i KNOW i submitted my applications. i completed 7 applications (well...like 4...but still) and applied to 7 schools and i KNOW that i sent them in! but i'm tricking myself into thinking that something is going to go wrong and the fact that i will be admitted to absolutely no colleges (thereby making the problem of paying for college completely negligible) will be completely and udderly my fault--and all because i got my application in 32 seconds after the deadline.

i have a headache. and i ate a bunch of honey nut cheerios to make the stress go away, but, not surprisingly, that just didn't do the trick. hopefully i'll get into college so that i can be so broke that i won't be able to buy food and therefore will be unable to stress-eat in incredibly stressful situations like this one. :

lol. this is so completely ridiculous.

oh--i can't believe they cancelled the golden globes!! i was explaining the writers' strike to melissa the other day and i realized how very dumb it all is. why don't the people they're striking against just agree to the demands! it's not that hard! and now we can't critique the nominees' bad red carpet choices! it's criminal! :O

we might fall--ryan star

after watching a couple of episodes from today's "one tree hill" marathon (a couple was all i could take. that show has too much drama--even for me), i find myself surprisingly grateful that i'm not actually one of those people. a little while ago, i figured that being one of the characters on one of those trashy soap opera-esque shows would be the pinnacle of existence--that it couldn't get much better. but really, if you think about it, it's seriously the opposite. as much as we complain about life being boring and ordinary and constant, there really isn't much else we could ask for. we cling to constancy because it's what keeps us grounded. we pray for protection against that which would uproot our lives and toss us into a hurricane--whether it be breaking up with whoever, losing someone, or getting stuck in an actual hurricane.

i heard something a little bit sad today about someone i used to be really close with. she lost her way, and in her loss of self she lost everything that used to draw people to her, leaving her without her friends and with habits that won't bring her any new ones. i know there's absolutely nothing i can do, so i won't even try. i won't even think of expressing a desire to find a way to help. i'll just spend a little more time being thankful that even if i, in my selfish spoiled-ness, think my life is boring, at least it's incredibly, though torturously, cushy.


i've been thinking more seriously about law school. : dad would have a cow. literally.

i always hate these kinds of posts. blogger is not the place to go all intellectual. i always feel stupid. kind of defeats the purpose, huh?


school sucked. i walked into a silent, cold, harsh classroom and realized how badly i hope this semester passes fast. i know that everytime i say this i am reassured that it shouldn't matter, but it still tends to bother me that no one likes me at school. all of the sophomores. except madison. i know they're just sophomores, but with no one else around, they're just bodies and voices and people that don't approve of me and make me feel small and stupid and pointless. how dumb is that?? melissa always says they're the stupid ones, but i can't help but feel that it's the other way around.


henry, is college the same way? please say no. i don't know if i could take it...:P

i'm officially crushed. crushed by the realization that i can't stop school from starting by pure power of wishful thinking, that is. i really don't want to go back to school. but 5 months...that's all it is. 5 months. i think i can do 5 months. hopefully. :S

i just submitted the FAFSA. i'm elligible for....no aid. lol. hmm...what to do? this is ever-so-slightly discouraging. hmph.

i ran out of things to say. :(