a failed effort

i'm really making an effort to be mature. seriously. i know it's hard to believe, but at this moment, i am really, really, really trying to hold it together. it just doesn't seem to be working.

i am so tired of my music class. it's seriously torture. i used to look forward to it, back when it was a nice break from an entire day of intellectually taxing schoolwork, but now it's just this exercise in holding back my emotions because i get so angry when mrs jang just starts going off on people for no reason and expects them to submit to her like little minions. i'm trying not to be upset, but one of the things that i have an immensely hard time tolerating is arrogance. arrogance can be particularly bad when paired with inability and misconceptions about that inability. it's my firm belief that incompetence should not accompany authority. the fact is, though, that it sometimes does, and it's up to us to deal with it. how do you do that, though? how do you submit to or respect someone who is incompetent? do you have some sort of moral responsibility to help them or defend them, even when they are completely wrong in whatever position they insist on maintaining?

i'm just tired of it. so tired of all of it.

i would've been okay if i had a less flaky friend, i think. i dunno. i know that you are the only person who can determine your actions, your feelings, and your moods, but it feels sometimes like other people have a lot of sway in those decisions. i just have a really hard time dealing with flakiness and immaturity. i don't understand it and i don't appreciate it. is the concept of "yes, i'm having an emotional moment right now, so instead of being mean, you should probably just leave me alone" really that difficult to process? you wouldn't think so, right?

and again about the arrogance. i've been trying to keep from saying this for a long time, but the Church always councils against the dangers of intellectual arrogance, and now i know why. looking down your nose at people who have beliefs is extremely reprehensible. get over yourself. no one is proselytizing to you, so stop being such a jerk about it. arrogance is extremely unattractive, not to mention intellectually belittling.