footprints

i found this great article in vanity fair. enjoy. ;)

"know your jerk footprint"
-"if you answer "yes" to four or more of the questions for your age group, it is incumbent upon you to take urgent measures to reduce your jerk footprint."

For ages 14-25
1. Do you refer to attractive members of the opposite sex as "smokin' hot"?
2. Do you leave vitriolic comments in the "Comments" sections of blogs and Web sites, even if you're commenting on something innocuous, such as an old Linkin Park video?
2a. When leaving such comments, do you use such rote Internet pejoratives as "moron" and "'tard"?
3. Do you write a dating column for your school paper or local weekly?
4. When you are being photographed, do you flash gang signs?
5. Are your birthday parties televised?
6. Is your name Tyler, Taylor, Cat, Bryce, Morgan, Brandon, Braden, Hayden, Jaden, Brianna, or Keegan?

my favorites from the ages 26-39 section:
1. Do you work in an office with a Foosball or Ping-Pong table?
2. Do you run a T-shirt company that specializes in flimsy apparel that runs small and whose designs are essentially appropriations of old advertising and TV logos from the 1960s and 1970s?
3. Does it take more than two words to describe what you do for a living?
7. Do you refer to having young children as "doing the parent thing?"
7a. If you do indeed have young children, have you launched a blog, or, worse, a video blog, about raising them?

How to Reduce Your Jerk Footprint:
1. Read a book to a small child, and not in a "Cool! I read this when I was a kid!" way.
2. Stop gelling, mussing, and spiking your hair. You should part it, and that's that.
3. Refrain from ever using the construction, "Mmm, I want me some ____."
4. Do not ever order a Cosmopolitan again.
5. Do not leave any comments in any "Comments" section, on any occasion, ever. (with the exception, of course, of these blogs.)
6. Give in to the aging process, every step of it.
7. Eat leftovers.
8. Go two entire, consecutive days without using a wireless electronic communication device.
9. Do not ever again refer to an elderly person, to his or her face, as "so cute."

i hope no one sues me for copyright. it did come from vanity fair, but didn't have a author listed.