the last week of school has been remarkably educational, ironically enough.
i have learned:
1. that saying something implies that you mean it
2. that blog-fighting is the literally the dumbest thing ever
3. that mr. lee really does think that everything is about him, connected to him, and caused, even if indirectly, by him
4. that korean pop is vastly underrated
5. that even candidates for Ms. Universe have to deal with gravity at some point
6. that oreo cake and rice krispie treat dough is not a good combination (unless a killer stomachache is your one dream in this world)
7. that my hair has no pity for me--even on my birthday
8. that michael buble is dating emily blunt, and that to compete i'm going to have to get very friendly with the cube-of-cheese strategy
9. that i'm fear-inducing (talk about depressing :S)
10. that "scourge of the earth" is actually preferable to "pimpleface" when it comes to cruel but deserved nicknames
11. that jae hee has good taste in stuffed bears

haha i know we're not supposed to talk about dennis, but his facial expression when lena so brilliantly asserted that "confuse-shus" was missing an E was priceless.

mr bramlett: *sing-song voice* i am so smart, i am so smart, SMRT, SMRT
hee jin: *contorted, concentrated face* wait...hahaha he spelled it wrong!!! hahaha
amanda: *gives hee jin the patented amanda-spots-an-idiot glare*

...the next day...
miguel: (upon walking into ms mili's office) soy guapo.
me: *snickers audibly*

i witnessed a fight!! at SIS!! between a 6th grader and an 8th grader, but still. rafael jones and jackie (or pablo, depending on your allegiances). it was a full-fledged fight. the 6th grade bully just cried and cried, digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole as he tried to get himself out of trouble by pinning the whole thing on poor jackie. hilarious. i couldn't stop laughing. ms armstrong's face upon running outside to keep little rafael, the bully, from continuing to punch jackie in the stomach (since he couldn't reach his face) was priceless.

lost--michael buble

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the right man was on the wall
If I don't land
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear to fall
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

call me irresponsible = the best CD ever made. seriously. go limewire it right now. or, if you're feeling honest, go buy it. the little lyric book is like the highlight :D. lost, call me irresponsible, everything, wonderful tonight, me & mrs. jones, and always on my mind are my favorites as of now. and i foolishly thought that he couldn't possibly top everything. oh me of little faith. ;)

pretty, huh? ^^

give me a chance to hold on

it seems strange and a little cruel that after three years of high school, it hasn't gotten any easier. i mean, isn't that stupid adage supposed to have some credence? isn't practice supposed to make perfect?

Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Just give me something to hold on, to,

It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have,
It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have.

right now, snow patrol is half annoying and half about to make me freaking cry.

they always teach us in church that you should never be anyone but yourself when you try to make friends, but i always figured they had the luxury of saying that up in the pulpit or at the front of the classroom because they simply weren't there when conforming became more of a necessity than a choice to be scorned.

it's always been kind of a painful truth that i'll have to eat my words at least once a day. if i strike out early in the morning, it's obvious what kind of day it's going to be. i say something stupid at least once a day, usually more. and not just your normal, run-of-the-mill unintelligent comment. something remarkably stupid or insensitive or mean, even if i didn't intend it to be that way, and even though it "didn't sound that way in my head". that's the price, i suppose, for letting every thought come tumbling out of your mouth, giving it very little, if any, of a chance to go through the editing process.

usually the stupid comments hurt people, albeit completely unintentionally. none of that seems to matter when looking at it in retrospect, though. all anyone remembers is that caroline was a mean, bitter girl with a mouth that would talk a mile a minute about anyone who scorned her in the least. what no one understood, though, was that it was the mile a minute scorned-girl talk that got the highest ratings; the most laughs. why do you think it was always coming out? if you hadn't laughed, do you think she would've said it? it was just a stupid facade in the hopes that you would see it and confuse insecurity for meanness, since it's much easier to hide behind being a jerk than being vulnerable. i was never that girl. you made her when you didn't accept who she used to be and who she really is. why couldn't you just have said that it didn't matter? that i shouldn't even have tried, since in the end it would be all for naught anyway?

a simple act of worship

today seemed like the appropriate day to pay homage to enrique, the god of all good-lookingness and keeper of my heart. however, he IS taylor's future husband, so i guess i should probably concentrate on the god of smoothness and total awesomeness and MY future husband:

ahh...the fineness....

when you smile at me you know exactly what you do :)

last night was the graduation. :D

it was kind of a mixture of emotions, really. a lot of laughter. a fair amount of cringing. the cringing resulted from a few of the interesting conversations that occurred over the devouring of a fair amount of pizza later that evening. the laughter was from henry's awesome valedictorian address (now there's a fancy title for you).

there were no tears, though, thankfully. you can always count on henry to make what could have been a very sad night into something completely different--and better.

i haven't taken the pink bracelet off yet that i was wearing last night. maybe it's symbolic. i'm not sure. it feels a little bit like an era is ending, though. henry's leaving, and we'll be seniors. SENIORS. that requires...like...brains. and responsibilities. and college applications. yikes. i always knew henry could do it (i mean, what can you not do, man?) but i never saw us doing it. not that we couldn't, it just never occurred to me that one day it would eventually happen. but it will.

i'm still going to miss you, man. hmph. not the biggest fan of emotion here. :P

and you HAVE to come to school on tuesday--your graduation present awaits. :D

haha i loved seeing the movie between henry and melissa. when i was lost, i could turn to my left and request an explanation as to why exactly captain barbosa was back walking around or why johnny depp was in the middle of the desert with half a million crabs. when i wanted to bash keira knightley or lament as to how sleepy i was, i could turn to my right to confer with an equally sleepy, equally keira-bashing-prone melissa, who felt my pain. when someone was particularly good-looking or something particularly funny happened, i could look past henry and anita to dan bi, who laughed or gaped at the hottness as well. christina swore that she could hear our distinct laughs from 10 rows down. hahaha i'm not surprised...i think we get louder as it gets later. gotta keep yourself awake somehow, right? :P

but last night was a blast:). henry, taylor, christina, melissa, jae hee, dan bi, amanda, miguel, chet, and anita. i've never been so happy when thinking of my homies :).

hahaha homies.

you know what drives me completely nuts?

fake people.

if you're a jerk, at least be honest about it. sneaking around and doing it behind people's backs is just cowardly. if you want to be cool, be yourself. if you don't think you're cool as yourself, then change ALL of you, not just the part that's around certain people. then you're like a wall that only has half of it done in plaid wallpaper and the other half in some puce-colored paint.

now THERE's a simile for you.

tim mcgraw (taylor swift)
You said the way my blue eyes shined,
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said: "That's a lie"
Just a boy in a Chevy truck,
That had a tendency of gettin' stuck,
On backroads at night
An' I was right there beside him all summer long
An' then the time we woke up to find that summer'd gone

But when you think: Tim McGraw,
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long:
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me

September saw a month of tears,
An' thankin' God that you weren't here,
To see me like that
But in a box beneath my bed,
Is a letter that you never read,
From three summers back
It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet,
An' lookin' back on all of that, it's nice to believe:

When you think: Tim McGraw,
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long:
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me

And I'm back for the first time since then:
I'm standin' on your street,
An' there's a letter left on your doorstep,
An' the first thing that you'll read:

Is: "When you think: Tim McGraw,
"I hope you think my favorite song"
Some day you'll turn your radio on,
I hope it takes you back to that place
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me
Oh, think of me,
Mmmm

You said the way my blue eyes shined,
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said: "That's a lie"

i oftentimes think that country music knows more about poetry than shakespeare ever did...

:)

hahaha sang hyeuk just signed on and started talking to me. apparently my name is "canoline". it's got a ring to it, i guess :P

hahaha that boy...

the olive branch

i'm in a bit of a conundrum and am not sure how to word this. but here goes.

i feel badly that our class is no longer complete. it's sad. it's a shame that a falling-out should occur so near the end of the year. it's also unfortunate that some facts have been confused through several people retelling several stories. it stinks that personal problems came out over the internet, but it seems only appropriate that problems that were exacerbated on the internet be brought to a close on the internet.

i don't expect comments on this post, but this is me concluding my involvement in this situation. if you're involved, please accept my sympathy that this has happened. however, please do not confuse sympathy with an acceptance of blame.

i hope that what has happened can be resolved and that some sort of reconciliation can occur. i'm open. my hand is extended. the olive branch is hanging there. its acceptance is an entirely different matter.

scheming :D

i wonder if brian is available on the night of friday, june 8.

;)

hahaha

there was no dan bi at school today. i felt sad, almost cheated. as if i had been rudely deprived of a morning of bugging her about her decibel level but loving her for it all the more. the most depressing thing about it was that she missed the shortest chemistry class in the history of the course. it was like a divine gift, that class. it came and went, instead of the usual pattern of coming and going, going, going, going, going, going, and eventually gone.

i feel sad, though. it seems like it took me an entire year to figure out that i had it pretty good this year. even though there was more work, i feel stronger because of it. next year is going to be hard. not as many screaming freshmen. no henry. no monthly abuse from gretchen at NFL meets. no listening to anita talk about stupid pimple face who we hate now. no "oh, it's okay, it's just junior year. what sucks now will be so much better next time." there won't be a next time.

but i know i'm happy when i remember that there not being an next time is actually a good thing. moving up, moving on. it's hard, but it's necessary. and it's fun. i'm excited, but still intent on treasuring the time we've all got left together and savoring the next year so that it'll be good memories that stay with me forever instead of those terribly charming ones that make you want to cringe.

it's times like these that make me miss you, jae hee! :) whenever it's a happy/sad time i always think of you. it must be the happy portion. ;)

i would've made this post funny, but i'm out of humorous energy and i always hate it when it's obvious that you're trying too hard to be funny.

quizas i'll try again next time.

invasion of the straight man

according to msn.com, these are "sexy women's shoes for summer":

since no self-respecting woman or gay man would commit such an egregious error, it makes me curious as to when exactly they started hiring straight men to write the headlines and suggestion lists at msn. this is a remarkably disturbing discovery.

don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at your car to get your attention.

probably the best advice i've heard in a long time.

i love this song!
the guy in the video doesn't hurt. heehee.
;)

the debate continues

"The consumption of isothiocyanates, found in mustard seeds, has been shown to inhibit the growth of cancerous cells in animal studies."

mustard prevents cancer.

can mayo beat that?

i think not.

:D

furthermore, "commercial mayonnaises are more typically 70-80% fat".

gross gross!!!

hobbes gets his funk on

haha i'm listening to "my boo". and singing along. does it get any more pathetic?

apparently it does. the fact that i admitted said embarrassing detail proves it. :D

it's okay. i've got the earphones in, so i can only really hear usher. i could be way off-key and completely oblivious. i guess it'll become clear if the dogs start howling. they do that when i play the piano sometimes. it either means i sound awesome or the piano is horrifically out of tune. there's not much of a gray area with the pooches.

something completely bizarre happened tonight. it was a terrifying experience, really. i went to an aerobics class. it was possibly the most horrific thing i've ever been through. now my ankles hurt. i've actually never heard anyone scream quite as loud during sustained movement as the instructor was screaming. i kept expecting her to fall over, seizing violently from an overdose of pep. no such luck. haha not that i was wishing her any ill-will. she just had some pretty funky moves going on. speaking of funky, that was one of her favorite words. her catch phrase?
"LET'S GET FUNKY!!"

i laughed my way through the whole thing. when they started the overhead claps, it became almost overly hilarious.

so we're reading an excerpt from Leviathan for philosophy, and i'm looking at it right now. the idea that i'm reading an essay by some bizarre ESL student is perpetuating through my mind. seriously. "Enemies Countrie"? "Democraticall"? "Soveraigne"? "Possesse"? the constant over-capitalization is freaking me out. despite the freaky english, i still have to summarize it. a task i should probably return to.

but remember y'all: when times are tough....
GET FUNKY!!

apocalypse: would be welcome right about...NOW

today i was dissed by a freshman. i've never been quite so insulted or degraded. it was a truly painful and humbling experience.

it was a loud, headache-inducing wednesday morning, and as i was meandering across the battlefield that masquerades as the couch area, i realized that kento's hair was doing something incredibly funky. being the pillar of tact and concern for others that i am, i immediately started a tacit conversation about said hair catastrophe with michael, who confirmed my comments. michael's solution?

mike: kento, what's up with your hair?
kento: *runs clumsily towards bathroom, forgetting to shut the door*

i assumed the problem had been rectified and that i would no longer be forced to look upon said hair catastrophe until i laid eyes upon kento, who had emerged from the bathroom, and realized that he had a tiny towel wrapped around his hair like a woman with an overgrown beehive. this time the solution didn't appear to be attainable through such subtle avenues.

me: kento! take that thing off your head!
kento: *removes said creepy towel*

and what was dominic's response to this?

dominic: kento, don't listen to caroline! her opinion doesn't matter...she's just a junior.

immediately, i did an about-face and tried to do my best teenage girl swagger (the one where you approach the source of the insult with dramatic force, only to stop yourself after adequately instilling fear in your subject), but it failed miserably, probably because i was having a worse hair day than kento. but the sad part was that i subjected neither dominic nor michael to any sort of wave of fear or dread. they didn't even flinch. i looked to henry, who was slightly bemused at my fear-instilling attempt, but received not even an ounce of reassurance.

definitely the low point of my day. with the possible exception of the studying session that ran from 2:00pm to 6:00pm. pretty fierce competition there. ;)

have you met my bible?

it's up there ^^. just follow the smiling chinaman. ^^

ahhhh man.

so

much

to

study.

i'm only at world war I.

hopefully the last 100 years is as obsolete as my studying of it is going to be.

i'm still trying to convince amanda that she is not likely to enjoy european history. it's not going very well.

trust me, amanda. unless you enjoy pain (well, she DOES do trench tech...) this avenue of study is not going to be a fun one.

the college board is composed of VERY BAD people.

did you know that if you try to print a question off a thinkwell test the page prints blank?

*gasp*

they are both malevolent and all-knowing.

ew.

mr. lee told me once that i underestimate myself. i brushed him off at the time, and i continue to do so, but i'm reaching something of a conundrum.

a lot of people OVERestimate themselves. that's one quality i really can't stand. most of my closest friends? pretty humble people, actually. they may not seem like it, at first glance, but once you really get to know them, they're actually more humble than a lot of self-proclaimingly humble people. which is like a double negative. but that's really beside the point. i'm having trouble deciding where the under-estimating should stop and where it's interchangable with the acceptance of reality. the question is coming up a lot now, since the college thoughts (angst ridden as they are) are coming more and more often. is applying to ivy leagues pompous? it's not like i'd go for all of them. just yale. and just for fun. but is the idea itself just unbearably stupid? and is applying to only state schools an act of unintentional self-deprecation? or is it just the acceptance of reality?

i've had friends get into good schools. but they were SMART. like SMART smart. it's frustrating. admittedly, they didn't apply and get accepted to those schools for the sole purpose of discouraging me, but it still does the trick. this is one of those moments of revelation when i realize that the world might actually not revolve around me. but the point remains. case in point: today in philosophy. not to name names, but henry (hehe i lied) is sitting in the seat next to me, cutting the pages meticulously, while simultaenously refuting every stupid (and they were a little dumb...the devil's advocate is just that: an advocate...not a necessarily intelligent one) point mr. lee would make when i was just sitting there trying to keep up. my one addition to the discussion was the freaking peacemakers. *sob* and he's going to NYU. so that makes me what...Springfield Community College material?

i hope not. i was at least hoping for the University of Maine or something...if they even have universities in Maine. they're probably these elitist places where only those with expert knowledges of fishing and correct lobster-cooking skills are accepted.

now that's depressing.

a "complicated" philosophy

happiness would abound if we just spoke our minds like avril lavinge. seriously, that girl makes a few really good points. e.g.:

"Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend"

what can we gather from avril's expression of distaste here? i don't like your girlfriend. she's trashy. i'm better. c'mon, man. take a hint. for the benefit of those not particularly intellectually inclined, she continues:

"I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again"

if you hadn't already gathered such information, it is my wish that you dump your "stupid" (her words, not mine) girlfriend and come to me, since apparently you know that i know that you know that i know that you like me, so we really should get together owing to the fact that i have previously stated that a) "i don't like your girlfriend", b) "i think you need a new one", and c) "i could be your girlfriend". get a clue, genius.

there's no quality as precious as that of straightforwardness.

amen, avril.

haha ps: the "i" refers to avril, not caroline. :P

mike to dom: "i think we should get together now..."

of yoga, cell phones, and the plastics

i'm here again at my computer, scrunched up in one of those weird yoga-esque positions i was telling henry about, typing around my legs, which are up nearer to my nose than to the ground. i have short arms, so this is actually more of an exercise to get my arms to grow by making them stretch like freaking far to do ordinary tasks, like typing. maybe i should try it for eating. the mentality worked for the japanese...using chopsticks makes eating necessitate more effort. do you see many fat japanese? because eating is freaking hard, man. so help me out. next time you see me and i have my arm hanging by my side, give it a good yank. preferably the left one, since the left end of the piano usually requires more note stretches.

haha the typical SIS exchange occurred today:
melissa's phone: *vibrates loudly*
me: (to henry) "whoa."
henry: "i thought that was me."
me: "you can vibrate??"
henry: "no, cuz i moved on the couch, so it made a noise."
me: "oh."

haha one more...
(in chemistry this morning)
me: "...and it was so totally gay!!"
melissa: (disapprovingly) "gay?"
me: "ugh...it was retarded..."
melissa: (suspiciously) "so gay and retarded go in the same category?"
me: "hmph!"
...later that day...
me: (painfully) "can you help me????"
melissa: "me? help you? you want ME to help you?"
me: "um...YEAH! i got stupid, remember?"
melissa: "(laughs...and laughs...and laughs some more at the incredible irony of the situation) haha okay..."

melissa = possibly the most politically correct person i know

hehe speaking of political correctness...i found a good term for alcoholics:
"anti-sobriety activists"

so we're sitting in spanish today (before ms mili started freaking out and commanding us to speak in spanish, but probably after the interesting delve into the exact ethics and meaning behind asking someone to salir contigo). henry is facing melissa and i, who are scrunched together, sharing a book, mainly because i'm too darn lazy to get up and get my own. melissa is lamenting over being dumped and i said something "funny", apparently, since henry and melissa both started laughing. admittedly, not as hard as when melissa started imitating how i would act if i were a spy (*hides behind the corner of the wall and giggles...LOUDLY...while slightly screech-gasping*), but still pretty hard. so, in my usual fashion, i say something to the extent of "that SO did not sound that mean in my head!", apologizing for saying something mean, since that's pretty much all i do. the surprise? henry and melissa both look at me, puzzled.
me: "was that mean?"
henry: "no...not really."
me: "whoa! really? and it was funny?"
henry: "yeah...you can be funny without being mean."
me: "wow! seriously?!"
henry: "well, you don't do it often, but it is possible."

and my happy-o-meter crashes and burns.

haha :D

i'll try to make an effort to live up to henry's hypothesis...but i have to admit, i might miss having to slap my hand over my mouth whenever anything particularly offensive slips out.

mel and henry, i'm thinking we need a movie marathon. i've got some catching up to do ;)

mr. tessen's pride and joy...a photoessay

the prance!!
what an amazing night...
we clean up well, huh? :P

:O
hahaha

henry's girls!

the cutest prance pair ;)

haha choosing a picture of these two was a tough decision...this one won through henry's expression (haha no one beats james', though :D)

melissa commands, "tell me why i'm mad."

she's got them wrapped around her finger...:P

three tries to guess what we were looking at ;)

caroline + photoshop = katy!