give me a chance to hold on

it seems strange and a little cruel that after three years of high school, it hasn't gotten any easier. i mean, isn't that stupid adage supposed to have some credence? isn't practice supposed to make perfect?

Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Just give me something to hold on, to,

It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have,
It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have.

right now, snow patrol is half annoying and half about to make me freaking cry.

they always teach us in church that you should never be anyone but yourself when you try to make friends, but i always figured they had the luxury of saying that up in the pulpit or at the front of the classroom because they simply weren't there when conforming became more of a necessity than a choice to be scorned.

it's always been kind of a painful truth that i'll have to eat my words at least once a day. if i strike out early in the morning, it's obvious what kind of day it's going to be. i say something stupid at least once a day, usually more. and not just your normal, run-of-the-mill unintelligent comment. something remarkably stupid or insensitive or mean, even if i didn't intend it to be that way, and even though it "didn't sound that way in my head". that's the price, i suppose, for letting every thought come tumbling out of your mouth, giving it very little, if any, of a chance to go through the editing process.

usually the stupid comments hurt people, albeit completely unintentionally. none of that seems to matter when looking at it in retrospect, though. all anyone remembers is that caroline was a mean, bitter girl with a mouth that would talk a mile a minute about anyone who scorned her in the least. what no one understood, though, was that it was the mile a minute scorned-girl talk that got the highest ratings; the most laughs. why do you think it was always coming out? if you hadn't laughed, do you think she would've said it? it was just a stupid facade in the hopes that you would see it and confuse insecurity for meanness, since it's much easier to hide behind being a jerk than being vulnerable. i was never that girl. you made her when you didn't accept who she used to be and who she really is. why couldn't you just have said that it didn't matter? that i shouldn't even have tried, since in the end it would be all for naught anyway?