mr. lee told me once that i underestimate myself. i brushed him off at the time, and i continue to do so, but i'm reaching something of a conundrum.

a lot of people OVERestimate themselves. that's one quality i really can't stand. most of my closest friends? pretty humble people, actually. they may not seem like it, at first glance, but once you really get to know them, they're actually more humble than a lot of self-proclaimingly humble people. which is like a double negative. but that's really beside the point. i'm having trouble deciding where the under-estimating should stop and where it's interchangable with the acceptance of reality. the question is coming up a lot now, since the college thoughts (angst ridden as they are) are coming more and more often. is applying to ivy leagues pompous? it's not like i'd go for all of them. just yale. and just for fun. but is the idea itself just unbearably stupid? and is applying to only state schools an act of unintentional self-deprecation? or is it just the acceptance of reality?

i've had friends get into good schools. but they were SMART. like SMART smart. it's frustrating. admittedly, they didn't apply and get accepted to those schools for the sole purpose of discouraging me, but it still does the trick. this is one of those moments of revelation when i realize that the world might actually not revolve around me. but the point remains. case in point: today in philosophy. not to name names, but henry (hehe i lied) is sitting in the seat next to me, cutting the pages meticulously, while simultaenously refuting every stupid (and they were a little dumb...the devil's advocate is just that: an advocate...not a necessarily intelligent one) point mr. lee would make when i was just sitting there trying to keep up. my one addition to the discussion was the freaking peacemakers. *sob* and he's going to NYU. so that makes me what...Springfield Community College material?

i hope not. i was at least hoping for the University of Maine or something...if they even have universities in Maine. they're probably these elitist places where only those with expert knowledges of fishing and correct lobster-cooking skills are accepted.

now that's depressing.