when the stars go blue

i couldn't quite figure out how to get text and a video in the same post. kind of embarassing.
but i love Bono. and the Corrs. and this song. so here's the perfect combination of all three! :)

special places...

ms. mili got a new office! they converted the old library into a huge office for ms. mili and another huge one for dr. jenkins. it's so awesome! we eat lunch in there in these awesome chairs. i even got to use the shredder. i've never been quite so happy. :D

that ukulele player, jake shimubu-something came to SIS today! he gave a concert in the new library for the whole school...which fit inside the library. it was kinda scary. disturbing, really. the smallness of the school, not the concert. but man...he was totally awesome. he even signed carter's forehead. that was totally the best part.

we had basketball practice today with three members from each varsity team. it was cool, though, since it was just the meat of the teams. but seriously...i witnessed something terrifying. boys spanking each other. i don't really want to relive the experience. it was like, when the other team made a point, we would all be walking towards half-court waiting for the ball to be checked, and arnold would totally spank kento. i wasn't sure if it was a spank of encouragement or intimidation, but kento didn't appear to be particularly enjoying it. arnold seemed fine. that was the scary part. i let out a small scream everytime he did it (which was twice) and looked in horror to madison who was wearing a similar expression. the second time i screamed, "hey!! don't spank kento!!" and arnold was like, "it's a boy thing that they do to each other!" and i'm like, "uh...no." totally disturbing. but then melissa hit kento really hard in his "special place" and his voice got a little high pitched and he had to sit out for a few minutes. he's just a target for abuse...:P

the remainder of my college decisions come out next week :. i'm really, really trying not to freak out. seriously! i am. it's a notable challenge, though. berkeley is tomorrow, brown and yale are on monday, vanderbilt is on tuesday, and boston college is sometime in april.

i'm scared, though. :( way too much perfectionism went into those applications, and i'm deathly afraid of having them all summarily rejected. i guess i'm a little bit scared that being rejected from all of them will make me feel like UT is what i'm "settling" for when really that's not it at all. i'll be so happy to go to UT and i think i'll really like it there, but i don't want some gigantic failure to overshadow it. somewhere i know that college decisions don't say anything about my personal worth, but seriously. don't they? it's five respected institutions saying, "please, do not grace us with your presence, we fear you have a stupefying effect on our student population."

lol...haha :P

so we're in literature yesterday, right? me and my four classmates. mr. lee has assigned us to read the first act of this play, which i have done. it's 10:30, so i leave the room to take a five minute break. mr. lee ALWAYS comes to collect us if he's going to start class again, so, ten minutes later, i assume that he won't be lecturing and don't go back in the room. 45 minutes later, i go back in to get my stuff, since class is over, and see the board filled with notes and hear mr. lee go, "there's a reading check tomorrow, caroline, so you might want to copy down the notes."

burn, man. burn. very harsh...haha. i copied kento's notes and aced the reading check, though, and mr. lee doesn't get mad at like...anything...so it's all good. it was pretty funny at the time, though. it's kind of sad when you're one of five people in a room and are forgotten. very sad. :P

wow!!

double wow!! :D

colorful friday...

sitting in the new library of the new high school, i'm actually beginning to come to terms with all of it. all of this will be over in less than three months, and while that scares me, i think i'm going to be okay. i'll miss the security of it all, but i think it's definitely time to move on. i'm not counting the days, hours, or minutes until school ends, but i'm a little bit tired of it.

this weekend will not be fun. i've managed to procrastinate some pretty important stuff, which mainly includes the application for a large scholarship that i have no shot at but would kick myself if i blew off, the majority of my material for NFL debate regionals, and my huge, awful, horrible art project. i can't believe i have as little of that project done as i do. it's terrible! it's our final exam, too.

thank goodness for movie nights. i'm pretty sure i'd die without them.

the sophomores all have these cute matching shirts for class color day today. the senior class actually did pretty good. 80% of the class participated. 4 out of 5. when i told ms mili that 80% of our class was wearing red, she said, "oh, so 2 of you?"

lol.

the other day, arnold gave a presentation to the sophomores about taking the SAT. michael, always a genius, asked him, "is it hard??" arnold responded, "it will be for you."
you've gotta admit, he set himself up for that one. :P:P

i'm not sure if that's better than arnold's asking me in the middle of spanish, "do you like hairy men?"
i had honestly never really thought about it. i suppose i'm pretty opposed to the idea, but i didn't want to offend him, since i'm not sure about his status as a hairy person or not, so i just said that i didn't really have a preference. a total lie, but we have to mind our manners, right?

since the teacher color was pink today, mr. lee borrowed kento's super tight t-shirt. it had a slit at the neckline and flowers embroidered. very feminine. it suited mr. lee perfectly. :P

morgan rose on KMCV: "what brings you back [to mt. tapochau]?"
dad (as the voice of the guy on TV): my car.

lol. :P

enchanted redux!

wow! did anyone else see her perform at the oscars? if not, definitely youtube it. i don't know how she managed to pull off "happy working song" alone at an awards ceremony on a bare stage, but it was pretty incredible. she is seriously good. :)

a failed effort

i'm really making an effort to be mature. seriously. i know it's hard to believe, but at this moment, i am really, really, really trying to hold it together. it just doesn't seem to be working.

i am so tired of my music class. it's seriously torture. i used to look forward to it, back when it was a nice break from an entire day of intellectually taxing schoolwork, but now it's just this exercise in holding back my emotions because i get so angry when mrs jang just starts going off on people for no reason and expects them to submit to her like little minions. i'm trying not to be upset, but one of the things that i have an immensely hard time tolerating is arrogance. arrogance can be particularly bad when paired with inability and misconceptions about that inability. it's my firm belief that incompetence should not accompany authority. the fact is, though, that it sometimes does, and it's up to us to deal with it. how do you do that, though? how do you submit to or respect someone who is incompetent? do you have some sort of moral responsibility to help them or defend them, even when they are completely wrong in whatever position they insist on maintaining?

i'm just tired of it. so tired of all of it.

i would've been okay if i had a less flaky friend, i think. i dunno. i know that you are the only person who can determine your actions, your feelings, and your moods, but it feels sometimes like other people have a lot of sway in those decisions. i just have a really hard time dealing with flakiness and immaturity. i don't understand it and i don't appreciate it. is the concept of "yes, i'm having an emotional moment right now, so instead of being mean, you should probably just leave me alone" really that difficult to process? you wouldn't think so, right?

and again about the arrogance. i've been trying to keep from saying this for a long time, but the Church always councils against the dangers of intellectual arrogance, and now i know why. looking down your nose at people who have beliefs is extremely reprehensible. get over yourself. no one is proselytizing to you, so stop being such a jerk about it. arrogance is extremely unattractive, not to mention intellectually belittling.

facebook secrets

i just saw alex bugrov's facebook status.

it reads: "i am sex-)))))<3"

i'm terrified. deeply. but am laughing too hard to worry about that now.

ah, high school. :)

a twitching bard

i'm on sparknotes right now, reading about as i lay dying because i am far too dense to infer the appropriate deeper meanings to the literature that mr. lee requires for his little tests and essays.

the creepy part? there's this picture of shakespeare in one of the adds, and his face keeps twitching. like he's winking, but not really. just a twitch. he's not really smiling. just twitching.

seriously weird.

footprints

i found this great article in vanity fair. enjoy. ;)

"know your jerk footprint"
-"if you answer "yes" to four or more of the questions for your age group, it is incumbent upon you to take urgent measures to reduce your jerk footprint."

For ages 14-25
1. Do you refer to attractive members of the opposite sex as "smokin' hot"?
2. Do you leave vitriolic comments in the "Comments" sections of blogs and Web sites, even if you're commenting on something innocuous, such as an old Linkin Park video?
2a. When leaving such comments, do you use such rote Internet pejoratives as "moron" and "'tard"?
3. Do you write a dating column for your school paper or local weekly?
4. When you are being photographed, do you flash gang signs?
5. Are your birthday parties televised?
6. Is your name Tyler, Taylor, Cat, Bryce, Morgan, Brandon, Braden, Hayden, Jaden, Brianna, or Keegan?

my favorites from the ages 26-39 section:
1. Do you work in an office with a Foosball or Ping-Pong table?
2. Do you run a T-shirt company that specializes in flimsy apparel that runs small and whose designs are essentially appropriations of old advertising and TV logos from the 1960s and 1970s?
3. Does it take more than two words to describe what you do for a living?
7. Do you refer to having young children as "doing the parent thing?"
7a. If you do indeed have young children, have you launched a blog, or, worse, a video blog, about raising them?

How to Reduce Your Jerk Footprint:
1. Read a book to a small child, and not in a "Cool! I read this when I was a kid!" way.
2. Stop gelling, mussing, and spiking your hair. You should part it, and that's that.
3. Refrain from ever using the construction, "Mmm, I want me some ____."
4. Do not ever order a Cosmopolitan again.
5. Do not leave any comments in any "Comments" section, on any occasion, ever. (with the exception, of course, of these blogs.)
6. Give in to the aging process, every step of it.
7. Eat leftovers.
8. Go two entire, consecutive days without using a wireless electronic communication device.
9. Do not ever again refer to an elderly person, to his or her face, as "so cute."

i hope no one sues me for copyright. it did come from vanity fair, but didn't have a author listed.

in my persual of the perfect procrastination method, i too i have stumbled upon youtube covers. they're pretty funny, but a lot of them are really good and make me feel small for not being able to sing that good. very discouraging. it doesn't make the procrastination enjoyable at all.

the guy is doing the howling noises at the end of "the scientist." it's hilarious that he can do it with a straight face.

i'm starting to resent this senior year workload. i mean, aren't we supposed to stop working? isn't that the deal? we're being cheated by the establishment. this requires immediate revolt. which would require action. which i'm set firmly against. oh well. guess i'll have to suck it up. :P

my mom is gone for a week at a conference in the states. yay!!! :D:D:D the house is...relaxed...quiet...joyful...peaceful. thank goodness. it was sucking away my soul. i know it's bad, but it's true! those two don't really cancel out, do they? rats. but still. i needed a break. we all did. do. present tense.

i have to call mr. tessen tomorrow to let me into the school so i can get my constitutional law stuff so i can write the paper the day before it is due, even though it was assigned over a month ago. fantastically typical.

i've been doing my own sort of oscar-catchup. i just can't seem to master the art of downloading movies or tv shows from online, though, so i can only watch what i can rent. i saw "the constant gardener" (rachel weisz, best supporting actress, 2005) and "the queen" (helen mirren, best actress, 2006), both of which were really good. "the constant gardener" wasn't as good as the book, and at the end i felt kind of cheated because everything got wrapped up really quickly and neatly. it was more complicated in the book. "the queen" was fantastic, though. it had the potential to be an incredibly, horribly boring experience, but it was actually really good. i was surprised. i guess helen mirren deserved the oscar after all. i was a little inscensed about that last year. i thought keira knightly should've gotten it. she was really good in "pride and prejudice."

i'm out of writing drive. more will come later, when more energy is present. :D

mold.

my sandwich is moldy. :(

i still have to eat it, though, because doing the arm hang test for the presidential testing thingy is going to be exponentially harder if done on an empty stomach.

lol. :P:P

eastern promises

wow! i watched "eastern promises" for the first time and it was...intense. i really liked it, actually. somehow i came out of a story about the seriously violent intensity of the russian mafia and thought it was a love story. i guess it was, after all. it was just a little unconventional. you should totally watch it. if you haven't already. i'm sure henry has and has seen all of the stars walking into starbucks and stuff. you know. just normality.

but wow. viggo definitely deserved that oscar nom. most definitely.

*sigh*

For Blue Skies
(Strays Don't Sleep)

It's been a long year
Since we last spoke
How's your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'm under that night
I'm under those same stars
We're in a red car
You asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights
Could I have saved you?
Would that've betrayed you?
I wanna burn this film
You alone with those pills
What you couldn't do I will
I forgive you
I'll forgive you
I'll forgive you
I forgive you
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I'll forgive you

a lack thereof

i wish i could come up with something entertaining or useful to blog about.

my parents are practicing the art of "silent dinner" in the next room.

fascinating, huh?

:O

good song--"into dust" by mazzy star. check it out!

trapped

no, not actually referring to the forgotten charlize theron/kevin bacon kidnapping/hostage-taking fiasco of a movie that came out a few years ago. i'm referring to my current situation, since i am actively trapped inside my house. there's some strange whiney lady outside who is apparently a friend of my dad's and has been at the house for the past few hours. i really don't like talking to her and don't particularly want to have any contact with her at all, so i'm trapped in the house.

my mom is hilarious. she is also trapped. she has chosen to stay in the house with me rather than to go outside and smoke a cigarette. now THAT means something. my mother would rather fight her nicotine addiction than talk to this woman. this hereby proves the obnoxiousness of the aforementioned lady.

it's all transitory

as the hours pass, my level of lucidity varies. i have a very shy fever. it only comes out to play every few hours or so. it's fascinating, really. a tad annoying, since it's not particularly easy to structure your life around whether or not your fever is going to come out to enjoy itself in the next twenty minutes or if it's safe to remove yourself from your bed, leave the blanket behind, and brave the aircon of the living room.

is this making any sense? i'm wondering if this is one of those times where the lucidity is waning...:S

i received an email today addressed to "Dear Admitted Tulane Student." i'm definately digging that title. the creepy part was that since i submitted my application on december 1st, i haven't received a single word from them. not even an email saying "we received your application." totally nothing. weird, huh? so, obviously, when i got the email i was a little suspicious, since it wasn't even the official "congratulations, we've made the poor decision to allow you and your transitory lucidity to populate our campus" notice. it was "congratulations on your acceptance and oh, would you like to come to honors weekend?" i was very suspicious, so i looked up the lady who sent me the email on the tulane website, just to verify that she actually did work at tulane. she does. hmph.

i'd be a good conspriacy theorist. just as long as i didn't have to be right every once in a while.

angst.

i'm going crazy. not just partially insane. this is a full-on descent into complete pyschosis. i can't take this waiting, biding my time, sitting on my hands, wondering, torturing myself about whether i got my scholarship applications in at the right minute, trying to figure out whether or not "january 3" means before midnight at the end of january 2 or before 11:59pm on january 3. if i didn't get that application in, can i pay for college? if i didn't get the UT scholarship application in at the right minute, i certainly can't. i'll have no options. i'll be $160,000 in debt by the time i'm 22. does the pyschosis seem at all justified??

i have no idea what to do. this is just so frustrating. i'm sitting here going through the Tulane website trying to figure out whether or not i'm elligible for their other merit scholarships even though i chose not to apply for the Dean's Honor scholarship, which involved being incredibly creative and making a DVD presentation about a 2x2-inch BOX. i gave up. completely. apparently, though, you are automatically considered for their other merit scholarships just by turning in an application for admission. after frantically going through my hotmail inbox and finding the email from the CommonApp that completely confirmed by submission of the application. see?? i'm going nuts! i KNOW i submitted my applications. i completed 7 applications (well...like 4...but still) and applied to 7 schools and i KNOW that i sent them in! but i'm tricking myself into thinking that something is going to go wrong and the fact that i will be admitted to absolutely no colleges (thereby making the problem of paying for college completely negligible) will be completely and udderly my fault--and all because i got my application in 32 seconds after the deadline.

i have a headache. and i ate a bunch of honey nut cheerios to make the stress go away, but, not surprisingly, that just didn't do the trick. hopefully i'll get into college so that i can be so broke that i won't be able to buy food and therefore will be unable to stress-eat in incredibly stressful situations like this one. :

lol. this is so completely ridiculous.

oh--i can't believe they cancelled the golden globes!! i was explaining the writers' strike to melissa the other day and i realized how very dumb it all is. why don't the people they're striking against just agree to the demands! it's not that hard! and now we can't critique the nominees' bad red carpet choices! it's criminal! :O

we might fall--ryan star

after watching a couple of episodes from today's "one tree hill" marathon (a couple was all i could take. that show has too much drama--even for me), i find myself surprisingly grateful that i'm not actually one of those people. a little while ago, i figured that being one of the characters on one of those trashy soap opera-esque shows would be the pinnacle of existence--that it couldn't get much better. but really, if you think about it, it's seriously the opposite. as much as we complain about life being boring and ordinary and constant, there really isn't much else we could ask for. we cling to constancy because it's what keeps us grounded. we pray for protection against that which would uproot our lives and toss us into a hurricane--whether it be breaking up with whoever, losing someone, or getting stuck in an actual hurricane.

i heard something a little bit sad today about someone i used to be really close with. she lost her way, and in her loss of self she lost everything that used to draw people to her, leaving her without her friends and with habits that won't bring her any new ones. i know there's absolutely nothing i can do, so i won't even try. i won't even think of expressing a desire to find a way to help. i'll just spend a little more time being thankful that even if i, in my selfish spoiled-ness, think my life is boring, at least it's incredibly, though torturously, cushy.


i've been thinking more seriously about law school. : dad would have a cow. literally.

i always hate these kinds of posts. blogger is not the place to go all intellectual. i always feel stupid. kind of defeats the purpose, huh?


school sucked. i walked into a silent, cold, harsh classroom and realized how badly i hope this semester passes fast. i know that everytime i say this i am reassured that it shouldn't matter, but it still tends to bother me that no one likes me at school. all of the sophomores. except madison. i know they're just sophomores, but with no one else around, they're just bodies and voices and people that don't approve of me and make me feel small and stupid and pointless. how dumb is that?? melissa always says they're the stupid ones, but i can't help but feel that it's the other way around.


henry, is college the same way? please say no. i don't know if i could take it...:P

i'm officially crushed. crushed by the realization that i can't stop school from starting by pure power of wishful thinking, that is. i really don't want to go back to school. but 5 months...that's all it is. 5 months. i think i can do 5 months. hopefully. :S

i just submitted the FAFSA. i'm elligible for....no aid. lol. hmm...what to do? this is ever-so-slightly discouraging. hmph.

i ran out of things to say. :(