if you haven't already seen "Charlie Wilson's War," go, right now, and see it!! :D

why banking and debating don't mix.

funny NFL story. you know how we deposit our per diem stuff for nationals in mr. golden's checking account? well, apparently i forgot to throw the receipt of that transaction from two years ago away, and when i went to the bank today i grabbed a random deposit receipt from my room and filled out the slip with the number from that receipt. when i got to the counter, the guy gives me this weird look after punching the stuff into the computer and goes, "you're caroline, right?" i'm like, "uh, yeah." he's like, "this is the account for an Andrew Golden." i'm like, "*shocked face* are you serious??" i was so embarassed. lol.

only with NFL does that happen.

suffice it so say, taylor and caroline will NOT be making their glorious un-debuts on the saipan stage as mimes. hahaha. :]

an un-fantastick audition

tonight, i did the unthinkable. i auditioned. :O

it was HARD! very mentally straining, to be honest. i mean, thank goodness taylor was there, or i might've dropped dead from mime anxiety right on the spot. but seriously. it was so weird. i mean, it certainly helped that Sister Rider went first and broke the ice and made everything okay, but miming "Doe a Dear" TWICE was a little more than my poor nerves could take. i was so terrified.

and then---there was singing. at least taylor was there to go first and do awesome and make me feel like i could never compete with her. thanks, taylor. haha :P. but seriously. i get up there, totally psyched out, begin to sing, and after getting through the first couple of lines, i realize that i don't actually know the words to "have yourself a merry little christmas". whoops.

note to self: if self is planning on auditioning for a musical, it would be wise to review a piece of music, in order to insure that self actually knows the words, before trying to sing it.

at least it was an interesting experience. if i get cast as a mime, though, i have a mysteriously invisible broken ankle that completely prevents me from miming. a completely tragic ailment, actually. you'd be surprised :P

you know dasher and dancer and snowball (oh, wait. donner, right?)

i should SO not be blogging right now. oh well. there are worse things.

i am so jealous of taylor and madison! this time, though, it's for something other than their incredible metabolisms and fantabulous good looks. in this instance, i am jealous of the smith sisters because they are finished and, sadly, i am not. still remaining on my to-do list are Mr. Lee's eternal Hamlet essays, my Tulane scholarship application (my eligibility for a full scholarship hinges on how creative i am with this 2x2 inch box. how pathetic is that??), my spanish newspaper, my art project, and studying for the ginormous history test in tessen's class tomorrow. which i should be studying for right now. which i am going to go do. :D

heehee! life is hilarious. oh! cute thing of the week. i was so depressed a couple of weeks ago when i was in the gym and lila came in and started running right next to me and didn't say hi, but today when i saw her at the gym again, i smiled and she gave me this big smile and a wave and i was like, "wow!! yay!!!"

it's so pathetic how things as little as that can make your whole day. i should really not be so desperate for approval from the sophomores. i'm constantly being told it's an unhealthy preoccupation, but i still have it, which is a bit depressing. oh well. i was vindicated today, even if only slightly.

you know you're a senior if:

you know you're a senior when:

• you have to stop yourself from automatically going to http://www.commonapp.org/ as soon as you get online
• you feel like you have nothing to do online if you're not at http://www.commonapp.org/
• you blog to give yourself something to do at 12:10am besides sit and think about the tests you're not studying for
• you know possess more information about your extracurricular activities than actually exists (probably because you made up half of it...but "embelish" is a nicer word.)
• adults tend to flee when you enter a room because they automatically assume you have come to assualt them for a letter of recommendation
• your parents think you're an amateur con artist after your harassing them for their tax information for the last few months
• your first question for friends you haven't seen in years is, "where are you applying????"
• your first question for friends you saw yesterday is, "how many words for your essay???"
• you spend every free minute of your time brainstorming of ways to get your hands on $180,000 within the next 6 months without resorting to illegal activities (well, at least not the really bad ones.)
• you get an odd look from the bag boy at the store because your response to the question "paper or plastic?" is "either international relations or political science. i'm thinking about a career in journalism."
  

i wish the senioritis would set in right about now. this would all be so much easier if none of us cared. lol. :P but then we'd have nothing to talk about...;)

happiness is....

why is there a picture of a happy meal (well...there used to be before the photo link stopped working...lol)?

because i am happy!

why am i happy?

because college applications are officially a thing of the past. UT Austin, UC Berkeley, Tulane, Vanderbilt, Yale, Boston College, and Brown have all been applied for. it's honestly a miracle. i didn't think i could do it. hehehe :D:D:D

this morning were the SAT Subject Tests. particularly, the Spanish and U.S. History Subject Tests. it was a rather painful experience, seeing as the tests begin at 8:00am and i woke up at 7:52am. this presents a problem, since i live in capital hill and the testing center is in fina sisu, a firm 15 minute drive from capital hill, if you drive like a normal person.

i am not a normal person. i succeeded in getting from my house to NMC in approximately 7 minutes, since it took 1 minute to get out of bed, put my glasses and Destino Peru sweatshirt on, run into the kitchen to look at the time again, almost cry, and decide to ignore dad, whose advice was, and i quote, "just forget it."

but i succeeded. i made it. upon arrival, the guy told me that i had had until he was finished with the instructions, which took about 20 minutes. lol. karma, much? :P

heehee!!

i am officially doing the most risky thing i have ever dared to do. i am submitting my persuasive essay about iPods and their villianous ploy to drown out the noise of human relationships.

i am SO going to end up at NMC.

:'(

i done it!!! i done wroted an essay. :D

1 down...5 to go...:D

hehehe...

3 entire days have been wasted in a pathetic attempt to avoid writing the dreaded college essays. of course, no fun has been had throughout the three wasted days because there was too much anxiety and depression involving the procrastination of the college essays.

i've never watched so much useless, distracting TV and have never felt worse about it.

Lifetime! i was actually watching the Lifetime movie about the skinny girl who dresses up in a fat suit to prove that normal folk are mean to fat people. she didn't need a fat suit to prove that...

but seriously! how pathetic is that...i could've at least been wasting time with something good...

*heaving sob*

currently, i am:

-fighting an impending dashboard confessional addiction.

-writing another essay for mr. lee.

-wondering if i'll ever be able to find the right words to get into berkeley.

-contemplating whether or not to tell taylor that we got our school pictures, knowing she'll ask for one and i'll have to show mine to someone besides melissa, who saw them before i did.

-dreading the physics homework that i couldn't differentiate from a pile of rocks in tyrgystan.

-hoping i misinterpreted what henry said (as i often do) and that Brown is actually not a school composed strictly of transvestites.

-taking a break from the mental loop of achmed jokes that has been running through my jumbled mind for the past few days

-recovering from the dizziness that results from spinning around in the desk chair.

stupid shalom.

somehow i don't think it would be an undue assumption to declare my dad and i the two stupidest people on the entire planet. seriously. if we're not fighting because he refuses to help me with my college applications or even acknowledge the fact that i have to do them, we're fighting because he yelled at me to turn down the volume on the Country Music Awards. the CMAs! it's like illegal to mute the CMAs! what's the point of watching a music awards show if you can't hear the performances?

see? told you we were stupid. particularly me.
college apps= dad stupid.
CMAs = caroline stupid.

lol.

have you checked out jack's mannequin yet? i've been telling you...you don't know what you're missing! :P

i wish i could think of something substantial to blog about. the lack of socializing at SIS? seriously. it's pathetic. haha today melissa and i were enjoying our oatmeal in the shelter of mrs. epley's completely empty, extremely cold room (a freezing room helps to cool the oatmeal faster). we quickly realized that this was quite a lonely existence. the solution?
melissa: where's madison?
me: reading.
melissa: wanna go sit by her?
me: and bother her?
melissa: yeah.
me: bother her while she's reading?
melissa: yeah.
me: good idea.

arnold seriously ticked off mrs. jang yesterday. it was terrifying. he had his head down on his desk, as is ordinary for the boys in music class, and mrs. jang, who picks on him because he's chinese, goes, "arnold!!! put you head up!!!" his response?

"no."

terrifying, i'm telling you. she had a cow. actually, i think you could safely say that she had a whole herd of cows. next, she was like, "why not?!?!?!?!" his response?

"i don't want to."

i almost died. i think the whole room did. it was completely silent. even Q stopped snoring. arnold and mrs. jang just did the death glare for about 30 seconds, like two of those dudes in those old western movies, standing face-to-face, guns pointed at each other's heads. neither of them shot, of course. mrs. jang just continued with class after a seriously uncomfortable silence.

"shalom, my friends, shalom." class continued. somewhat unfortunately. :P

literal inspiration

one of the best poems mr. lee assigned us. beautifully, lyrically, enchantingly depressing.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
(W.H. Auden)

soliliquy of the chipmunk

i know i should be reading "a tale of two cities". i also know that i have had three entire days to complete the 52-page reading assignment that i have yet to begin. i am further aware of the fact that i will not start the assignment for at least another fifteen minutes. at the very least. additionally, i know that it is 10:48pm and i am going to need some serious caffeine to survive this little mis-allotment of time i have achieved.

man. my hair looked so bad in this ponytail i had it in that it was actually throwing off my mental processes. that's a little scary. i think that might make me a vain person. just a tiny bit of one.

ponytail gone. problem solved. constancy of mental processes regained. brain functioning at original capacity. notice use of "original" in place of "full", since brain has never, is not currently, and will never function at "full" capacity. that would require the presence of an actual brain, which would be tough, since taylor took mine in the transplant she underwent. there's your answer, tay: you were the recipient AND the donor. you took mine and we gave yours to this chipmunk. now there's this genius chipmunk wandering around the boonies plotting how best to achieve world domination through a career in sociology. after he finds the acorns, that is.

oh, wait. that's squirrels. what do chipmunks eat?

my father is no help at all in the college applications process. since my mother no longer lives here, this is kind of an irritation. at good times, i find his lack of support comical. at others, i find it incredibly frustrating. i asked him today, in a moment of temporary retardation, "dad, why am i even bothering with this? why don't i just apply to UT and go there?" his answer? "i dunno. i think you're crazy." he then launched into the token dad rant (think token luke danes rant, Anita) about how the perversion of american capitalism had irreparably destroyed the educational system, publically and privately. he's just so irritated by the fact that he paid $1,000 a year for a UT education and i will have to pay about $41,000 for "the same thing". oh well.

7 more months. freedom approaches...at a slow, painful crawl.

:P

carnival ride!

carrie underwood's new album, carnival ride, is officially the best of this year. except maroon 5, of course. duh. and maybe john mayer. lol. i'll just stop before i go off the edge :P

standing water

i miss my friends. a lot.

particuarly you, henry chan. and tikla. and gretchen. particularly gretchen. :(

life seems stagnant. like standing water that malaria-spreading mosquitos proliferate in. it's standing still. it's like that water under the bridge next to the clock tower in memorial park. the water that so closely resembles something in the sludge-idius family that it barely crawls over the rocks.

if i procrastinate mr. lee's essay any longer, i may just fall asleep.

a tale of treadmills and rats

something very disturbing happened today.
as i approached the gym in my tiny car with the radio successfully functioning (it hadn't rained heavily for the past 20 minutes), i spotted an eerily familiar car. a camry with a black bike rack on the back.

any guesses?

yes. none other than mr. lee was in the gym when i entered. i was deeply disturbed and successfully pretended that i didn't see him until he left, when he smiled smugly and waved.

terrifying experience. hopefully he goes at the same time every day so that i can figure out how best to avoid him.

not even gold's gym is sacred now. first it was just mr. bullifin. hyatt gym was never sacred, since mr. linkenhelt is always there after school. *shivers*

what to do?

there was quite an earthquake today. you should've heard ms. mili sceaming at the top of her lungs, "get under your desks!!! do you know how people die in earthquakes??? things don't fall on them, they're running around like rats and they do stupid things!!!!" i thought she was gonna have an aneurysm. no one died. thankfully. we did do a darn good scared-rat imitation, though. :P

i know i should be writing at least one of the two essays that mr. lee assigned us. i know that i should be doing something productive, especially since if he saw me blogging in his class he would promptly behead me. i know i should be following melissa's example and actually working.

alas, i am far too lazy.

youth conference was a blast! especially with melissa there. the humble bumblebees were never so entertaining. :P it was fun to have tori, too, even though when i tried to tell her she got defensive *cough cough*. understandably, though. even the dance was fun. :O haha

i procrastinated so badly this weekend that i didn't actually begin writing my other essay for mr. lee until 1am yesterday morning. thanks to that bit of ingenious foresight, my eyes were so tired this morning that i couldn't get my contacts in and am wearing glasses today. fascinating, huh? lol.

we have art today. i love ms. nancy. she could pull art out of a turtle and make it look like picasso. thiis doesn't keep me from totally sucking at her class, though. even the fact that i'm doing an interpretation of a portrait of adam brody for my latest composition doesn't keep me from sucking. you know it's bad when even adam can't help you. :P

the world according to ________.

melissa was totally funny yesterday. her college advice for me?

"you totally have to go to yale. then you'll be closer to me."

my response?

"like, duh."

it makes perfect sense! now it's just that tiny problem of getting in. and paying for it. that's important too.

SAT scores tomorrow. ACT saturday. Subject tests in december. does it ever end?? :'(

man...mr lee really went overboard with the homework tonight. he was probably just ticked off that no one was participating yesterday. i wonder who's fault that was...:O

why should i explicate poetry? what's the point, anyway? if they have something to say, why don't they just SAY it? i just don't see the point of all this mindless round-about language when they're really just trying to say,
"dang, she's hott. i wonder if she'd go out with me."

look what i found on my hard drive!

we were so cute...especially taylor and melissa with their braces ;)

the stress is gone....!

hooray. no more play. no more mr. easton. at least not until tomorrow. when there are auditions for "scrooged". which i need to decide whether or not i'm trying out for. either way, i'm going to the auditions, since i have to chaperone mr. tessen to make sure he tries out. mr. easton says he'd be perfect :D:D

but yes. the stress is gone. i have spent more time in the very cramped backstage area of charley's than i ever wanted to spend, i have gotten to know some very interesting people a little better than i had ever perhaps desired, and i have determined, without a doubt, the exact sexual orientation of a few select persons.

it's a relief. i supposed i'll miss it. just not tonight.

SAT scores come out on thursday. yikes!!

ACT is on saturday. so is youth conference. which i am wearing shorts to. hehe.

caroline is definitely hanging out with taylor this week, since she didn't see her for a whole week last week and missed her like...a LOT.

;)

have you seen "blood diamond"?

no?

well. i lack taylor's enviable tact, so i will tell you frankly: watch it. there's an eye-opener if there ever was one.

i think i've figured it out. it took me a little while and a whole lot of self-centeredness, but i think it's a little more ironed-out than it was before. i think i definitely will be a journalist. it seems like the only way to get things done, since i'm too cynical and don't have the patience for politics. journalism seems like it would cater a little more to an attitude of impatience.

i dunno, though. we're 17. what do we know about life? all we know is what we see in the movies. and face it: everything's prettier in the perfect light and when captured at the perfect angle with the right lens. everything's a little more clean-cut when accompanied with razor-sharp dialogue and beautiful actors to romanticize everything. it's like reading poetry about something like a suicide. you don't usually read poetry about something like that, right? but it's the only way you'll ever find a connection to it, since you obviously haven't experienced it yourself.


so what're we supposed to do? should we be ashamed that the only experience we have is through the movie screen? are we supposed to just take what we can get where we can get it and run with it? do we question our sources or just overwhelm them with gratitude?

do we question what our parents teach us nearly enough?

do NOT open your test booklets until i tell you to do so

today, the SIS senior class (minus dan bi and han sol and plus jae hee and taylor) conquered the SAT.

successfully, i might add.

a few of my favorites anecdotes:
1.) melissa forgetting her calculator.
2.) the text i received from melissa at 3:30pm, about 2 hours after the test ended, begging me to meet her at her car in the parking lot because she was scared to go into the testing room alone. stupid cellphone.
3.) taylor's wonderful friend wen who let melissa borrow one of the three calculators she brought (and had a pack of extra batteries for)
4.) kento forgetting his admission ticket
5.) the nice people still letting kento in, even without his admission ticket
6.) the scathing look taylor's friend jamie gave me when taylor mentioned that i was slightly moronic (in so many words) for wearing shorts and a sweatshirt to the test, since it was being proctored in antarctica
7.) taylor's lucky charms shirt (which hopefully, when paired with my lucky giraffe earrings, brought all of us sufficient luck)
8.) jae hee not closing her test book or something like that and the proctor lady getting all mad at her (melissa pointed this out after the fact...i only saw the unsettled expression on jae hee's face :P love you, jae hee !! :D)
9.) looking over at melissa to find her crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out

the SAT has been banished to the far corners of the earth. or at least until december. when the subject tests come along. but who needs those? :P

this is my dot. the dog ate the rest.

eeek. i discovered today that my next play goes up in two weeks. mr. easton gave me the, "yes, i told you this, but you were too freaked out about the OTHER play" to realize it look. i felt slightly dumb. but only slightly. line memorization should probably start right about...now.

so jenjen tells me today that she, vanessa, emelaine, and a couple of other girls are finally so fed up with the church guys that they are going to ask their non-member friends to the next dance. which is next week. the night of my play. which gets me off the hook for the dance, i think. hooray :D

good things come in strange packages.

i discoved today that mr. easton knows imelda staunton. help me out here, henry. dolores umbridge from "harry potter", as well as oscar nominee for "vera drake" a couple of years ago. he doesn't just KNOW her. he DIRECTED her. and i totally didn't discover this information by listening in on mr. easton's conversation with this other actor dude while pretending to be studying my lines. apparently, he swears a LOT when not talking to high school kids. who woulda thunk? :O

saturday is the big day...the SAT day...*insert scared/anxious/nervous/frustrated/terrified smiley here* i'm not sure whether or not to study. stupid question, i know. but still.

tomorrow is a trip to taylor's house. a trip. haha. a 2.5 minute drive. always fun. even with the missionaries. who still make me nervous. heaven knows why. well, actually. heaven probably does know. perhaps i should inquire. :O

downs and ups and ups and downs

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you: "Up the Down Staircase"

we did it!! and made it to the front page of the Tribune this morning.

i don't think i've ever been so proud of anything. :)

dramadramadrama.

so i thought about it, and then i thought about it, and after that i thought about it some more, and ultimately came up with this conclusion: i have absolutely nothing to blog about.

my play, the one i'm directing, the one that's driving me totally and completely bonkers, goes up this week. friday, saturday, saturday. they are SO not ready. but, i suppose that's okay. after all, they're the ones onstage. not me. i just wish they'd have a little pride in themselves. i have pride in them! unfortunately, that doesn't always translate quite as you'd hoped.

my other play, the one i'm acting in, is a little scary. my character has this boyfriend, and he's possibly the creepiest-looking guy i've ever seen. i know we're not supposed to make hasty judgement or whatever, but you know how sometimes you look down the grocery isle, see someone, and decide to go to the next isle? that's something i would do upon seeing this guy. plus, he's like 6 inches shorter than i am and has hair about as long as mine. please, please spare me and don't come see this play. it is going to be very, very odd.

the miamaids sang this morning. they were fantastic! i was thrilled for them. i was even more thrilled with the enthusiasm from the YW about our new song. it even made up for the lack of enthusiasm from the leaders. :P

saipanisms

what can i say? tori inspired me. thanks tor! :D

You know you're on Saipan when:

• White people are called haolies (howl-ees)(Hawaiian for "without breath")
• When you order milk you are asked, "Do you want it warm, or cold?"
• "Plenty" means "a lot," as in, "Miss, I have plenty homework"
• Silver or gold teeth are a status symbol on adults. The kids have them until their permanent teeth come in
• Spam is not low class– it's a delicacy available in 10 varieties
• Saying a bar is a "karaoke club" is another way of saying it is a strip club or brothel
• The roads are: Beach Road, Middle Road and Airport Road– the rest have names, but no one cares what they are
• Your directions for the pizza guy sound something like this: "Go down Beach Road to Chalan Piao. Take the road that takes you behind the Mobil across from the Pacific Gardenia Hotel– it's the house right there, on the corner."
• You have a maid when you're making $16,000/year
• You have to sell your maid to be able to afford to eat KFC
• Skinny people are all Japanese tourists
• You can't buy alcohol (except in a bar) after 10pm– unless you sweet-talk the Korean shopkeeper
• Your children's school snack consists of a large bag of chips, eggs, or sashimi
• No one has a mailbox (or address, for that matter). Everyone has a P.O. Box.
• Someone says "A.C." and are looked at as though they're speaking Latin.
• Off and On are verbs (as in, "Can you off the air con?")
• The power goes out several times a week
• You're not late until next week
• TVs a week behind, which is good (then you'll know whether it's worth your time to catch the latest episode of grey's anatomy)
• Speed bumps outnumber traffic lights by the hundreds
• 40mph feels like 80mph
• You can walk just about anywhere, but you're crazy if you do. The sidewalks begin in a no particular spot and end randomly
• Kids of all ages can see any movie at any time
• Police officers give hitchhikers a lift
• When your name is "Miss" regardless
• When you can wear Birkenstocks to your real professional job
• When kids play with cinder blocks for fun (why not?)

I don't know who came up with this list, but I'm pretty sure it was some teacher from Kansas or something. All of it seems normal!
New people must be so puzzled.

the nanny diaries

it's saturday! and i'm dying to see this movie:

hmph.

taylor's greatest moment

this picture is entitled "taylor's greatest moment" on my hard drive for obvious reasons.

hahaha

imagine life without a best friend...then look at a picture like this and remember that there's a reason they're the best.

:)

josh lucas = :D

WOW!

henry saw josh lucas. that's incredible.

haha at first i thought he meant jennifer connelly, since he mentioned a beautiful mind and the hulk, and i nearly had a heart attack.

i wonder if i can apply my supernatural test-date-changing ability to get my mom to stay. lol.

doubtful.

heartbreaking fact.

yes, they actually divorced. why? because life is a mean, cruel thing.

beautiful people should stick together.

seriously, how pretty is she?

not to mention him...(words couldn't come close to an adequate description anyway)

nah-ting, par.

it became painfully clear today that ms mili really DOES know more about my life than i do. apparently my mom's leaving on monday. or at least that's what ms mili said. and she's usually right.

lol.

so i walk into physics this morning, after staying up until 2:00 (i know, small feat...4:00 is the new 2:00) studying for the "quiz", only to discover that the "quiz" had transformed into a chapter test. yipee. needless to say, i gave the teacher the blankest look i could muster (a potent and useful skill) and the chapter test was suddenly a quiz, then an assignment, and finally just some random problems that she "collected" but didn't put in the grade book.

oh. and henry, our teacher is ms. doculan. our first pinoy teacher in all of high school. we play this fun game of asking questions just to see how much of a strange, unrelated answer she'll give us. it's entertaining, to say the least.

i miss having ms. peterson. never thought i'd say that. :'(

one of the strange things about being the youth choir director is that i tend to burn CDs of accompaniments, which mixes random instrumental versions of church songs into the rest of my music. imagine my surprise when the "when we meet again" accompaniment ends and is promptly followed by a very loud "sexyback!".

i'm personally convinced that shia lebouf brought sexy back. just because he doesn't publicize it in the manner that JT is known for doesn't mean it ain't true.

beware of the ICN (ingur's coconut network). it spreads lies...:P

so tessen decided today that melissa should take the TOEFL. i gave him the patented "tessen. no." look. he didn't get it. i'm like, "man. seriously. the TOEFL?" he's like, "yeah! of course!"

no. LOL. can't wait to see her face.

i sure hope there's some career out there that requires and combines an in-depth knowledge of the prevalent themes of the scarlet letter, a thorough understanding of the complex principles of displacement in relation to acceleration and velocity, a complete comprehension of the rules involved in formal commands in the "tu" and "Ud." form, and the memorization of the dates and titles of the periods of ancient Egyptian history (the old kingdom, first intermediate period, middle kingdom, second intermediate period, and new kingdom, just in case you were wondering).

otherwise, i am just wasting incredible amounts of time.

fried...

here's an equation for you:

plenty physics homework = (taya brain for caroline)x(2a(∆x))

take that, ms. doculan.

labor day = the 8th wonder of the world

today is a wonderful day. it is Labor Day. i don't think that a better holiday has ever been invented, even if i don't work enough to deserve a holiday as a break from all of my non-labor. i'm sure the rest of the world does, so i'll just bum a holiday off of them. but at least it means that all homework can wait until monday night and that play rehearsal will take place at a normal time and the poor, unfortunate cast members and their stressed-out directors will not be at MHS until 6:00pm, as they are the rest of the week.

happy official birthday, tori! i'll find a replacement bracelet for you. ;)

mocking a mocker

so taylor tells me today that i routinely mock people's attempts to be spiritual.

my first reaction? "ouch."

the sad thing is, though, that she probably has a point. i guess for awhile i've been operating under the misconception that sarcasm makes friends, or that cynicism is funny, when in reality neither of those things are particularly attractive qualities.

the nelsons taught a good sunday school lesson today. the thing that struck a chord in me, though, was that bro. nelson's spirituality-inducing exercise was something that, in a normal frame of mind, i would mock. but i thought about it for a second and realized that giving it a chance wouldn't cost me anything. so i did. i gave it a chance. to my great surprise, it worked. it did bring the Spirit, and it did remind me that even though we do act pretty dumb sometimes (to put it lightly), everyone does have a light in them, and everyone is capable of listening to that still, small voice. all that's necessary is someone who is willing to remind them that it is there. that's all we're missing. we're capable. we're blessed. we just get so caught up in sarcasm and cynicism and pseudo-wittiness that we forget or assume that we're better off without it. you know what they say about assuming, though, right?

that it's bad. i don't know what you were thinking, but that's the answer.

i wonder if sometimes we forget how headstrong we can be. imagine, just for a moment, how it would feel to face the world in total and complete solitude. take that feeling and multiply it by 100. that, i suppose, would be the result of an extinguished light, of a hushed still, small voice.

i heard today the most powerful testimony i have ever witnessed. it was borne by proxy, through sister nelson, but it was that of Elder McConkie, borne at General Conference only days before his death:
"And now as pertaining to this perfect Atonement, I testify that it took place at Gethsemane and at Golgotha. And as pertaining to Jesus Christ, I testify that he is the Son of the Living God who was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. This I know of myself independent of any other person. I am one of his Witnesses. And in the coming day I will feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better then than I know now that he is God's almighty Son and he is our Savior and Redeemer and that Salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way."

it's when i hear words like those and partake of such spiritual experiences as occurred today that i remember the small part of me that steals away, out of the harsh light of the world, away from the harsh words of others, and appreciates those testimonies and locks away those experiences in a place where they will be hidden, but still able to be recalled when needed most. it's when i hear living witnesses of God bear testimony of His existence and of the sacrifice of His son that i am thankful for that small part of me and become further dedicated to the task of keeping it hidden from the carelessness of adolescence, so that someday i might remember a time when instead of mocking attempts to do so, i was able to help bring the Spirit.

johnathan rhys-meyers...

can you say, "wow" ?

:P

today is my first day of school without melissa, who will be gone for nine days of school. i can already tell that i am going to be doing a LOT of homework for the next two weeks. hmph.

maybe dan bi will have pity and take me under her wing. she appears to be doing so already, since she's here in the senior room with me now.

yes, the senior room. the seniors, namely melissa and i, have taken the initiative to disregard the rule stating that no students are allowed in the room that used to serve as mrs. bray's (*sob*) office and have decided that the room should be used to accommodate the senior class. and miguel. and madison, of course, if she ever wants to chill.

mr. lee is probably going to start herding us into class in approximately 30 seconds.

today my beliefs have been confirmed. michael stewart really is one of the most irritating people inhabiting the planet at the moment. at this moment, he tops rush limbaugh, orlando bloom (because excessively good-looking people are kinda irritating, in a strictly jealousy-oriented sense), and the little voice in my head that reminds me when i have homework.

so much wisdom, so little concentration

1) One of the best feelings in the world is emptying your pockets in the evening, and knowing you can leave all the junk there until the next day.

2) Those who have guinea pigs never have to throw out any vegetables.

3) If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are.

4) No one likes a smart aleck.

4') Especially another smart aleck.

4") Unless they have their own TV show, then they're a comic genius.

5) Arguing with a zealot is only slightly easier than tunneling through a mountain with your forehead.

6) Anyone capable of getting themselves elected president has shown that they should not be allowed to do the job. (Apologies to Douglas Adams)

7) Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. (Isaac Asmiov)

8) Right, because usually the compentent don't wait that long. (Jerry Pournelle)

9) Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is an enemy action. (Ian Fleming, Goldfinger)

10) Never turn your back on a charging turtle.

11) Never get in a spitting contest with a llama.

12) Projectile vomiting rarely gets you a return invitation anywhere.

13) Never throw toilet paper on a bear.

14) Hyenas laugh becasue they know what's coming next.

15) Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot more fun than it sounds.

15') Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.

16) Calling your mother and pretending to be an encyclopedia salesman doesn't go over too well.

17) The prime motivation for all human behavior is the need to feel superior to someone else.

18) He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.

19) Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

20) The words "My" "Rash" "See" and "Wanna" don't go well together in a sentence.

21a) When given a choice, people will always do the dumbest thing under the circumstances.

21b) The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

21c) Therefore: The larger the number of people, the stupider the resultant decisions and actions (congress anyone?)

22) Never ever go first.

23) When being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger. (Monty Python)

24) Rain on your wedding day is NOT ironic unless you're made of sugar.

25) Never take yourself too seriously, and mock those who do.

25') Also be sure to mock people who take themselves too seriously.

25") Those who never take anything too seriously have a distinct advantage over those who do.

26) The more you understand, the crazier you get.

27) Bad losers make worse winners.

28) The quickest way to make someone ignore you is to start a sentence with "You should ..."

29) People who habitually give advice are the worst people to take advice from.

30) If you insist on getting your way often enough, pretty soon you won't have to argue with anyone about it anymore.

31) Peoples' names should not be verbs or adjectives.

32) There's nothing wrong with the world that shooting 99% of the population wouldn't cure.

33) All indicators show that the human race is selectively breeding itself for stupidity.

34) If "obscene" words were made a part of common everyday language, after a week, no one would care anymore.

34') After two weeks, a new batch of "obscene" words will have been invented.

35) One of the most important things to learn is when to quit while you're ahead.

35') Most people never learn.

36) Anyone who says exactly what you want to hear knows it.

37) Anger is easy, anger at the right person, at the right time, for the right reason, that's hard. (Ulysses)

38) You can live for many causes, but you can only die for one. Pick that one very carefully.

39) Never allow anything to be named after you until you're safely dead.

40) No corpse, no death. (DC Comics)

40') Even if there is a corpse, they still may not be dead. (DC Comics)

40") Don't believe everything you read in comic books.

43) Dying is easy, living is hard.

44) You can always get more with a kind word and a 2-by-4 than with just a kind word. (Marcus)

45) The beauty of the American system of government is that you could wipe out the executive, legislative, and judicial branches, and 99% of the population wouldn't notice.

46) If you always tell the truth, people will stop believing you. (based on Richard Feynman's life)

47) Some people just never learn.

48) Most things in this world are done for no good reason.

49) Any gift that can't be thrown away is really a trap. (Dr. Morgenes, via Tad Williams)

directorial un-debut

if we were face to face, you would be looking at the new director of the ITS Chapter Play production of "Up the Down Staircase".

yay!!!!

my dad is cool.

why?

because he saw Elvis in concert! THE Elvis! Elvis Presley! He saw him! In concert! In the '50s!

i am seriously in shock.

i can't believe he never told me before.

and then he tells me that he and all his friends were jealous of elvis because all the girls loved him, so as the poor guy was walking by, they tried to throw beer at him. i almost cried.

poor elvis!!

Leave the Pieces

You're not sure that you love me,

but you're not sure enough to let me go.

Baby it ain't fair ya know

to just keep me hangin' round.

You say you don't wanna hurt me,

don't wanna see my tears.

So why are you still standin' here,

just watchin' me drown?

And it's all right,

yeah, I'll be fine, don't worry 'bout this heart of mine,

just take your love and hit the road.

There's nothing you can do or say,

you're gonna break my heart anyway,

so just leave the pieces when you go.

Now, you can drag out the heartache,

baby, you could make it quick.

Really get it over with

and just let me move on.
Don't concern yourself

with this mess you left for me.

I can clean it up, you see,

just as long as you're gone.

And it's all right,

yeah, I'll be fine, don't worry 'bout this heart of mine.
Just take your love and hit the road.

There's nothing you can do or say,

you're gonna break my heart anyway.

So just leave the pieces when you go.

You're not makin' up your mind,

it's killin' me and wasting time.

I need so much more than that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
And it's all right,

yeah, I'll be fine, don't worry 'bout this heart of mine

Just take your love and hit the road.

There's nothing you can do or say,

you're gonna break my heart anyway.

So just leave the pieces when you go.
Leave the pieces when you go, oh yeah,
Leave the pieces when you go,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Leave the pieces when you go.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1xUEotaEzbE

egomaníaco

i am a firm believer in the fact that being a teenager sucks. i'm not sure why it is necessary for us to spend 5-7 years locked in a cycle of insecurity, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction. probably something about character building.

people on the O.C. never seem to have to build character. if orange county can do it, why can't we? seriously! i don't see what rachel bilson has that we don't. besides perfection. and adam brody. well, not anymore, i guess, since they broke up like months ago. regardless, the point still stands.

so my mom has decided that it would be better for her (keyword: her) if she moved to thailand next month to live in a refugee camp and do some sort of healthcare thing. i'm seriously trying to be optimistic. like seriously trying. none of this half-wit-trying stuff. full-on, concentrated trying. and i'm still not optimistic. thus, it seems fair to say that despite my best efforts, i am officially declaring the suckiness of this situation. i think this could be fairly called a suckfest.

why, you might ask, is this a suckfest? it just is! no, i don't always get along with my mom, and yes, she drives me completely and totally off the wall almost every day, but underneath all that i happen to like her a whole lot and it's kind of nice to have my whole family around, since there are only three of us. but no. mom has decided that being a total egomaniac is exactly what the doctor ordered and it is what she is going to do.

the upside? there is no upside. i suppose that having only one parent (and a clueless one at that) around will make it easier to do what i want when i want, but since i don't usually do sneaky stuff, that just means that no one will care. i mean, they already don't care, but this means full-on 24/7 apathy. yikes. not looking forward to that.

hmph.

ice road truckers

my dad is in the living room now, enjoying his new favorite show. any guesses?

nope. not CSI. not Law and Order. not even Masterpiece Theater (which I always liked more than he did anyway).

his absolute favorite? "Ice Road Truckers".

yes, truckers. the kind that drive trucks. not just any old trucks, though. they go up to the frozen tundra of Canada for three months out of the year and drive these trucks over these roads made of ice. the catch? if they drive too fast, the ice breaks, leaving them dead and the road unusable. this results in a bunch of tough truckers driving these huge trucks for miles and miles in -40 degree weather at approximately 20 miles per hour.

my dad loves it. it's hilarious. he likes it even more when i watch it with him, which is what i'm going to do right now.

hmph.

better that we break

the most painfully irritating thing in the world?

unconditional love.

it drives me crazy. bonkers. totally insane. it sucks. it messes everything up. it's inexplicably inconvenient. i don't understand it, and if this much is true then it should obviously not exist. complicated, tough-to-wrap-your-brain-around things shouldn't exist! i think there could be a majority vote on that. it's perfectly simple. but back to the topic at hand.

unconditional love. shouldn't it be conditional? shouldn't saying really, really stupid stuff and doing really, really stupid things make it conditional? shouldn't just being a total idiot a large portion of the time make it conditional? shouldn't being undervalued, underappreciated, and underloved back make you love them any less? apparently not. painfully not. irritatingly not.

i thought distance would do it. i thought time would do it. hypothetically, distractions should've done it, right? again, apparently not.

i think it's just a bad case of masochism. honestly. who would voluntarily subject themselves to the unconditional love syndrome? a masochist. a self-proclaimed one, no less.

and by the way. if you haven't heard maroon 5's new album, your world is in need of some serious rocking. ;)

Te Mando Flores

Te mando flores que recojo en el camino (I send you flowers that I picked on the sidewalk)

Yo te las mando entre mis sueños (I send them in my dreams)

Porque no puedo hablar contigo (Because I can´t talk to you)

Y te mando besos en mis canciones (and I send you kisses in my songs)

Y por las noches cuando duermo (and at night while I sleep)

Se juntan nuestros corazones (our hearts join)

Te vuelves aire (you come through the air)

Si de noche hay luna llena (and if at night when the moon´s full)

Si siento frío en la mañana (if I´m cold in the morning)

Tu recuerdo me calienta (your memory warms me)

Y tu sonrisa cuando despiertas (and your smile when I wake)

Mi niña linda yo te juro (my beautiful girl, I assure you)

Que cada día te veo más cerca (that every day I see you nearer)

Y entre mis sueños dormido (in my sleeping dreams)

Trato yo de hablar contigo y sentirte cerca de mí (I try to speak to you and feel you closer to me)

Quiero tenerte en mis brazos (I want to have you in my arms)

Poder salir y abrazarte (to be able to leave and hold you)

Y nunca más dejarte ir (and never to let you go)

*CORO*

Quiero encontrarte en mis sueños (I want to find you in my dreams)

Que me levantes a besos (that you´ll wake me with kisses)

Ningún lugar está lejos para encontrarnos los dos (there is no place too far for us to find each other)

Déjame darte la mano (let me give you my hand)

Para tenerte a mi lado (to have you at my side)

Mi niña yo te prometo (my girl, I promise you)

Que seré siempre tu amor (that Í will forever be your love)

No te vayas porfavor (so please, don´t go)

hmph.

:,(

as i was contemplating what i was going to say in my oh-so-deep comment on henry`s blog (to partake of the deepness, see the comment. as of 30 seconds ago, it was the only one on his latest post), pamela`s boyfriend walked in the room, hands in pockets, looking exasperated. being incredibly polite (and wonderfully humble), i asked him (i almost typed ¨i pregunta-ed him¨) to share the root of his exasperation with me. he then proceeded to speak very fast and i got nothing from the explanation, so i nodded, smiled, and pretended to sympathize with him completely, a skill i have perfected upon having infinite opportunities to practice it over the last few weeks.


ew. i think they`re PDA-ing in the next room.



yikes.


:O


i guess that`s a pro to having a big house...PDAing in the front room is somewhat normal.


double yikes.

in response to henry`s comment--yes, i facebooked you, but no blogger update because it required so much effort and it`s not polite to blog when you have someone reading over your shoulder...which was the case when i facebooked you. now i understand why that used to make you so mad when i would do it :P:P

and yes, that picture does make me look like a monkey!

wow. peru is....COLD! it could be because i am a) wearing capris or b) have no coat. but STILL. it's cold. i resent cold weather. it makes me whiter and does bad things for my complexion. the feeling of coldness isn`t the bad part. it`s the pinkishness and the shivers and the humidity that makes you feel like you`re sitting in a freezer in a wet swimsuit.

speaking of wet swimsuits--who wants to guess what happens when you put your bottle of contact solution in your backpack without checking to see if the top is sealed? the result--a very wet swimsuit and a very wet pair of shorts, both of which must be put on in order to swim in the hot springs. the only problem? well, not the only one. but one of many. before you actually get in the hot springs, it`s obscenely cold. like really, really, really, really cold. i thought my heart was going to stop. i have a feeling it slowed for quite a while.

as interesting as traveling with the freshmen was (and it WAS interesting), the truly memorable part of life in arequipa was after their departure. and as much as i missed being constantly bombarded by dominic`s unsatisfiable need to tell dirty jokes and his and hee jin`s incredible but ever-so-slightly irritating fascination with beer and dominic`s tendency to tell the story of kento and the two sips of sangria twenty thousand times (that`s twenty thousand times DAILY), it was nice to see a different side of arequipa.

i`m reading this article on msn.com entitled ¨teen has one foot reattached¨. apparently the need for foot-reattachment arose after a gruesome accident on that ride at six flags that takes you up really high and then drops you. *shivers*

"Today Americans drink as much bottled water as they do milk, and slightly less than beer."

hahaha

that's so depressing....we're more than slightly drunken, depressingly dehydrated, and sufficiently calcified.

who would've thunk? :O

read the rest of the article here:
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/greenarticlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164226&GT1=10109

the list

tonight i learned that i had managed to get on a list. not a hit list, either, so i was fairly impressed with myself (since being on a hitless would be a virtually effortless achievement for me :P)

the discovery really put things in perspective, though. it seemed to make everything a little more "worth it" than it had previously seemed. it closed the door to the pity room, firmly locking me out.
i'm thinking now that maybe maintaining my place on that list is really what i should be concentrating on--not whether these shoes match perfectly with this purse, or whether that guy thinks you're cute, or whether you have a date to this event or that. just because distractions come in all shapes and sizes, and they're hiding behind every corner that you think you've triumphantly turned.

maybe instead of worrying obsessively about popularity or grades or appearance or a plethora of other vain, prideful things, i should be giving my spot on that list a little more attention.

you've gotta start somewhere, right?

:O

post-prom non-hangover

post-prom non-hangover hangover is the worst. it's almost 11:00 in the morning and it feels like 6:30...maybe that's just because i'm not a morning person. :P

i think it's safe to say that the LDS Prance was an official success, despite its careful and cost-effective planning that dates back to February. haha yeah...despite :P

three cheers for the prom committee!! :D

i think my favorite part, though, might've been the after party. maybe even the AFTER after party, which involved serious hose warfare and derek's discovery that spraying teenage girls in prom dresses with the hose results in a LOT of screaming.

and jocelyn, because i know you read these (:P), you still owe us a performance! :D

i finally figured out that it was a terrible lie that i was told that you don't need minutes to text on saipancell. i thought it was too good to be true. apparently i was right :P haha i need to go buy a card. i feel as if i have no right hand without the ability to text. it's depressing. :O

hmph.

the dangers of pink sugar

there's a mass of white, covered--no, doused-- in sugar, resting comfortably in my refrigerator at the moment. it possess tinges of pink, and is split in half by a sweet redness. along its edges grow modest clumps of flowers, in strange, sweet colors that don't normally occur on our planet. what is this strange being?

my birthday cake. it's HUGE. and only 1/3 eaten by the time i brought it home. it is now painfully clear to see what my diet is going to consist of for the next week. that is, until i depart and leave to my parents to solemn responsibility of ingesting approximately 10 pounds of incredibly sweet raspberry vanilla cake. i have a pretty high tolerance for sweetness (actually...that's a lie...i can barely sip a Pepsi it's so sweet) but this thing is SACCHARINE. the excessive sweetness is like...for lack of a better word..."WHOA."

so this afternoon, i'm just sitting at my mom's laptop that has been painstakingly plugged into the DSL (the laptop due to our computer's having crashed AGAIN...mom's convinced that it has thoroughly died this time...i disagree...i can still hear it grunting) and i see my dad (through the eyes in the back of my head...or perhaps due to the uncontrollable swiveling of our swively desk chair) walk into the living room with a large plank of wood. he then starts to take all the cushions off the little couch and installs this large, creepy plank of wood underneath the big butt cushion. completely appalled, i run into the living room:
me: what are you doing?!
dad: fixing the couch!
me: why?! it's working fine!
dad: no, it's not! it SAGS!
me: *blank stare* it's a couch, dad. it's supposed to sag.
dad: this one sags extraneously.
me: does not! *dramatically drapes herself over the couch, preventing further reassembly*
dad: move!
me: no! the couch doesn't sag! and now it's all hard! it's gonna hurt our butts!

he didn't believe me. he remained convinced that the couch was "firm" rather than in the butt-breakingly hard state that presently resides in.

my mom is watching television (happily perched atop the woodified couch) right now and i overheard someone on "dateline" or "frontline" or "nightline" or one of those linear shows and the anchor woman was proclaiming the latest advents in customer satisfaction, including "rent-a-husband", just in case a woman needs some extra help around the house. frighteningly enough. rent-a-husband. i'm terrified. i wonder if they have "rent-a-wife", just in case there are men out there with a deep longing for domesticity and willing to pay big bucks for it.

the last week of school has been remarkably educational, ironically enough.
i have learned:
1. that saying something implies that you mean it
2. that blog-fighting is the literally the dumbest thing ever
3. that mr. lee really does think that everything is about him, connected to him, and caused, even if indirectly, by him
4. that korean pop is vastly underrated
5. that even candidates for Ms. Universe have to deal with gravity at some point
6. that oreo cake and rice krispie treat dough is not a good combination (unless a killer stomachache is your one dream in this world)
7. that my hair has no pity for me--even on my birthday
8. that michael buble is dating emily blunt, and that to compete i'm going to have to get very friendly with the cube-of-cheese strategy
9. that i'm fear-inducing (talk about depressing :S)
10. that "scourge of the earth" is actually preferable to "pimpleface" when it comes to cruel but deserved nicknames
11. that jae hee has good taste in stuffed bears

haha i know we're not supposed to talk about dennis, but his facial expression when lena so brilliantly asserted that "confuse-shus" was missing an E was priceless.

mr bramlett: *sing-song voice* i am so smart, i am so smart, SMRT, SMRT
hee jin: *contorted, concentrated face* wait...hahaha he spelled it wrong!!! hahaha
amanda: *gives hee jin the patented amanda-spots-an-idiot glare*

...the next day...
miguel: (upon walking into ms mili's office) soy guapo.
me: *snickers audibly*

i witnessed a fight!! at SIS!! between a 6th grader and an 8th grader, but still. rafael jones and jackie (or pablo, depending on your allegiances). it was a full-fledged fight. the 6th grade bully just cried and cried, digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole as he tried to get himself out of trouble by pinning the whole thing on poor jackie. hilarious. i couldn't stop laughing. ms armstrong's face upon running outside to keep little rafael, the bully, from continuing to punch jackie in the stomach (since he couldn't reach his face) was priceless.

lost--michael buble

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the right man was on the wall
If I don't land
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear to fall
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

call me irresponsible = the best CD ever made. seriously. go limewire it right now. or, if you're feeling honest, go buy it. the little lyric book is like the highlight :D. lost, call me irresponsible, everything, wonderful tonight, me & mrs. jones, and always on my mind are my favorites as of now. and i foolishly thought that he couldn't possibly top everything. oh me of little faith. ;)

pretty, huh? ^^

give me a chance to hold on

it seems strange and a little cruel that after three years of high school, it hasn't gotten any easier. i mean, isn't that stupid adage supposed to have some credence? isn't practice supposed to make perfect?

Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Give me a chance to hold on,
Just give me something to hold on, to,

It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have,
It's so clear now that you are all that I have,
I have no fear now you are all that I have.

right now, snow patrol is half annoying and half about to make me freaking cry.

they always teach us in church that you should never be anyone but yourself when you try to make friends, but i always figured they had the luxury of saying that up in the pulpit or at the front of the classroom because they simply weren't there when conforming became more of a necessity than a choice to be scorned.

it's always been kind of a painful truth that i'll have to eat my words at least once a day. if i strike out early in the morning, it's obvious what kind of day it's going to be. i say something stupid at least once a day, usually more. and not just your normal, run-of-the-mill unintelligent comment. something remarkably stupid or insensitive or mean, even if i didn't intend it to be that way, and even though it "didn't sound that way in my head". that's the price, i suppose, for letting every thought come tumbling out of your mouth, giving it very little, if any, of a chance to go through the editing process.

usually the stupid comments hurt people, albeit completely unintentionally. none of that seems to matter when looking at it in retrospect, though. all anyone remembers is that caroline was a mean, bitter girl with a mouth that would talk a mile a minute about anyone who scorned her in the least. what no one understood, though, was that it was the mile a minute scorned-girl talk that got the highest ratings; the most laughs. why do you think it was always coming out? if you hadn't laughed, do you think she would've said it? it was just a stupid facade in the hopes that you would see it and confuse insecurity for meanness, since it's much easier to hide behind being a jerk than being vulnerable. i was never that girl. you made her when you didn't accept who she used to be and who she really is. why couldn't you just have said that it didn't matter? that i shouldn't even have tried, since in the end it would be all for naught anyway?

a simple act of worship

today seemed like the appropriate day to pay homage to enrique, the god of all good-lookingness and keeper of my heart. however, he IS taylor's future husband, so i guess i should probably concentrate on the god of smoothness and total awesomeness and MY future husband:

ahh...the fineness....

when you smile at me you know exactly what you do :)

last night was the graduation. :D

it was kind of a mixture of emotions, really. a lot of laughter. a fair amount of cringing. the cringing resulted from a few of the interesting conversations that occurred over the devouring of a fair amount of pizza later that evening. the laughter was from henry's awesome valedictorian address (now there's a fancy title for you).

there were no tears, though, thankfully. you can always count on henry to make what could have been a very sad night into something completely different--and better.

i haven't taken the pink bracelet off yet that i was wearing last night. maybe it's symbolic. i'm not sure. it feels a little bit like an era is ending, though. henry's leaving, and we'll be seniors. SENIORS. that requires...like...brains. and responsibilities. and college applications. yikes. i always knew henry could do it (i mean, what can you not do, man?) but i never saw us doing it. not that we couldn't, it just never occurred to me that one day it would eventually happen. but it will.

i'm still going to miss you, man. hmph. not the biggest fan of emotion here. :P

and you HAVE to come to school on tuesday--your graduation present awaits. :D

haha i loved seeing the movie between henry and melissa. when i was lost, i could turn to my left and request an explanation as to why exactly captain barbosa was back walking around or why johnny depp was in the middle of the desert with half a million crabs. when i wanted to bash keira knightley or lament as to how sleepy i was, i could turn to my right to confer with an equally sleepy, equally keira-bashing-prone melissa, who felt my pain. when someone was particularly good-looking or something particularly funny happened, i could look past henry and anita to dan bi, who laughed or gaped at the hottness as well. christina swore that she could hear our distinct laughs from 10 rows down. hahaha i'm not surprised...i think we get louder as it gets later. gotta keep yourself awake somehow, right? :P

but last night was a blast:). henry, taylor, christina, melissa, jae hee, dan bi, amanda, miguel, chet, and anita. i've never been so happy when thinking of my homies :).

hahaha homies.

you know what drives me completely nuts?

fake people.

if you're a jerk, at least be honest about it. sneaking around and doing it behind people's backs is just cowardly. if you want to be cool, be yourself. if you don't think you're cool as yourself, then change ALL of you, not just the part that's around certain people. then you're like a wall that only has half of it done in plaid wallpaper and the other half in some puce-colored paint.

now THERE's a simile for you.

tim mcgraw (taylor swift)
You said the way my blue eyes shined,
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said: "That's a lie"
Just a boy in a Chevy truck,
That had a tendency of gettin' stuck,
On backroads at night
An' I was right there beside him all summer long
An' then the time we woke up to find that summer'd gone

But when you think: Tim McGraw,
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long:
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me

September saw a month of tears,
An' thankin' God that you weren't here,
To see me like that
But in a box beneath my bed,
Is a letter that you never read,
From three summers back
It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet,
An' lookin' back on all of that, it's nice to believe:

When you think: Tim McGraw,
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long:
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me

And I'm back for the first time since then:
I'm standin' on your street,
An' there's a letter left on your doorstep,
An' the first thing that you'll read:

Is: "When you think: Tim McGraw,
"I hope you think my favorite song"
Some day you'll turn your radio on,
I hope it takes you back to that place
When you think happiness,
I hope you think: "That little black dress"
Think of my head on your chest,
An' my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw,
I hope you think of me
Oh, think of me,
Mmmm

You said the way my blue eyes shined,
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said: "That's a lie"

i oftentimes think that country music knows more about poetry than shakespeare ever did...

:)

hahaha sang hyeuk just signed on and started talking to me. apparently my name is "canoline". it's got a ring to it, i guess :P

hahaha that boy...

the olive branch

i'm in a bit of a conundrum and am not sure how to word this. but here goes.

i feel badly that our class is no longer complete. it's sad. it's a shame that a falling-out should occur so near the end of the year. it's also unfortunate that some facts have been confused through several people retelling several stories. it stinks that personal problems came out over the internet, but it seems only appropriate that problems that were exacerbated on the internet be brought to a close on the internet.

i don't expect comments on this post, but this is me concluding my involvement in this situation. if you're involved, please accept my sympathy that this has happened. however, please do not confuse sympathy with an acceptance of blame.

i hope that what has happened can be resolved and that some sort of reconciliation can occur. i'm open. my hand is extended. the olive branch is hanging there. its acceptance is an entirely different matter.

scheming :D

i wonder if brian is available on the night of friday, june 8.

;)

hahaha

there was no dan bi at school today. i felt sad, almost cheated. as if i had been rudely deprived of a morning of bugging her about her decibel level but loving her for it all the more. the most depressing thing about it was that she missed the shortest chemistry class in the history of the course. it was like a divine gift, that class. it came and went, instead of the usual pattern of coming and going, going, going, going, going, going, and eventually gone.

i feel sad, though. it seems like it took me an entire year to figure out that i had it pretty good this year. even though there was more work, i feel stronger because of it. next year is going to be hard. not as many screaming freshmen. no henry. no monthly abuse from gretchen at NFL meets. no listening to anita talk about stupid pimple face who we hate now. no "oh, it's okay, it's just junior year. what sucks now will be so much better next time." there won't be a next time.

but i know i'm happy when i remember that there not being an next time is actually a good thing. moving up, moving on. it's hard, but it's necessary. and it's fun. i'm excited, but still intent on treasuring the time we've all got left together and savoring the next year so that it'll be good memories that stay with me forever instead of those terribly charming ones that make you want to cringe.

it's times like these that make me miss you, jae hee! :) whenever it's a happy/sad time i always think of you. it must be the happy portion. ;)

i would've made this post funny, but i'm out of humorous energy and i always hate it when it's obvious that you're trying too hard to be funny.

quizas i'll try again next time.

invasion of the straight man

according to msn.com, these are "sexy women's shoes for summer":

since no self-respecting woman or gay man would commit such an egregious error, it makes me curious as to when exactly they started hiring straight men to write the headlines and suggestion lists at msn. this is a remarkably disturbing discovery.

don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at your car to get your attention.

probably the best advice i've heard in a long time.

i love this song!
the guy in the video doesn't hurt. heehee.
;)

the debate continues

"The consumption of isothiocyanates, found in mustard seeds, has been shown to inhibit the growth of cancerous cells in animal studies."

mustard prevents cancer.

can mayo beat that?

i think not.

:D

furthermore, "commercial mayonnaises are more typically 70-80% fat".

gross gross!!!

hobbes gets his funk on

haha i'm listening to "my boo". and singing along. does it get any more pathetic?

apparently it does. the fact that i admitted said embarrassing detail proves it. :D

it's okay. i've got the earphones in, so i can only really hear usher. i could be way off-key and completely oblivious. i guess it'll become clear if the dogs start howling. they do that when i play the piano sometimes. it either means i sound awesome or the piano is horrifically out of tune. there's not much of a gray area with the pooches.

something completely bizarre happened tonight. it was a terrifying experience, really. i went to an aerobics class. it was possibly the most horrific thing i've ever been through. now my ankles hurt. i've actually never heard anyone scream quite as loud during sustained movement as the instructor was screaming. i kept expecting her to fall over, seizing violently from an overdose of pep. no such luck. haha not that i was wishing her any ill-will. she just had some pretty funky moves going on. speaking of funky, that was one of her favorite words. her catch phrase?
"LET'S GET FUNKY!!"

i laughed my way through the whole thing. when they started the overhead claps, it became almost overly hilarious.

so we're reading an excerpt from Leviathan for philosophy, and i'm looking at it right now. the idea that i'm reading an essay by some bizarre ESL student is perpetuating through my mind. seriously. "Enemies Countrie"? "Democraticall"? "Soveraigne"? "Possesse"? the constant over-capitalization is freaking me out. despite the freaky english, i still have to summarize it. a task i should probably return to.

but remember y'all: when times are tough....
GET FUNKY!!

apocalypse: would be welcome right about...NOW

today i was dissed by a freshman. i've never been quite so insulted or degraded. it was a truly painful and humbling experience.

it was a loud, headache-inducing wednesday morning, and as i was meandering across the battlefield that masquerades as the couch area, i realized that kento's hair was doing something incredibly funky. being the pillar of tact and concern for others that i am, i immediately started a tacit conversation about said hair catastrophe with michael, who confirmed my comments. michael's solution?

mike: kento, what's up with your hair?
kento: *runs clumsily towards bathroom, forgetting to shut the door*

i assumed the problem had been rectified and that i would no longer be forced to look upon said hair catastrophe until i laid eyes upon kento, who had emerged from the bathroom, and realized that he had a tiny towel wrapped around his hair like a woman with an overgrown beehive. this time the solution didn't appear to be attainable through such subtle avenues.

me: kento! take that thing off your head!
kento: *removes said creepy towel*

and what was dominic's response to this?

dominic: kento, don't listen to caroline! her opinion doesn't matter...she's just a junior.

immediately, i did an about-face and tried to do my best teenage girl swagger (the one where you approach the source of the insult with dramatic force, only to stop yourself after adequately instilling fear in your subject), but it failed miserably, probably because i was having a worse hair day than kento. but the sad part was that i subjected neither dominic nor michael to any sort of wave of fear or dread. they didn't even flinch. i looked to henry, who was slightly bemused at my fear-instilling attempt, but received not even an ounce of reassurance.

definitely the low point of my day. with the possible exception of the studying session that ran from 2:00pm to 6:00pm. pretty fierce competition there. ;)

have you met my bible?

it's up there ^^. just follow the smiling chinaman. ^^

ahhhh man.

so

much

to

study.

i'm only at world war I.

hopefully the last 100 years is as obsolete as my studying of it is going to be.

i'm still trying to convince amanda that she is not likely to enjoy european history. it's not going very well.

trust me, amanda. unless you enjoy pain (well, she DOES do trench tech...) this avenue of study is not going to be a fun one.

the college board is composed of VERY BAD people.

did you know that if you try to print a question off a thinkwell test the page prints blank?

*gasp*

they are both malevolent and all-knowing.

ew.

mr. lee told me once that i underestimate myself. i brushed him off at the time, and i continue to do so, but i'm reaching something of a conundrum.

a lot of people OVERestimate themselves. that's one quality i really can't stand. most of my closest friends? pretty humble people, actually. they may not seem like it, at first glance, but once you really get to know them, they're actually more humble than a lot of self-proclaimingly humble people. which is like a double negative. but that's really beside the point. i'm having trouble deciding where the under-estimating should stop and where it's interchangable with the acceptance of reality. the question is coming up a lot now, since the college thoughts (angst ridden as they are) are coming more and more often. is applying to ivy leagues pompous? it's not like i'd go for all of them. just yale. and just for fun. but is the idea itself just unbearably stupid? and is applying to only state schools an act of unintentional self-deprecation? or is it just the acceptance of reality?

i've had friends get into good schools. but they were SMART. like SMART smart. it's frustrating. admittedly, they didn't apply and get accepted to those schools for the sole purpose of discouraging me, but it still does the trick. this is one of those moments of revelation when i realize that the world might actually not revolve around me. but the point remains. case in point: today in philosophy. not to name names, but henry (hehe i lied) is sitting in the seat next to me, cutting the pages meticulously, while simultaenously refuting every stupid (and they were a little dumb...the devil's advocate is just that: an advocate...not a necessarily intelligent one) point mr. lee would make when i was just sitting there trying to keep up. my one addition to the discussion was the freaking peacemakers. *sob* and he's going to NYU. so that makes me what...Springfield Community College material?

i hope not. i was at least hoping for the University of Maine or something...if they even have universities in Maine. they're probably these elitist places where only those with expert knowledges of fishing and correct lobster-cooking skills are accepted.

now that's depressing.